Tag Archives: Bad Ideas

Daddy Is The Child, While The Daddy Is Childish

If I were a professional athlete

Who married a supermodel

And knew my progeny’s eventual genes

Would be cranking out talent full-throttle

I think I would name my son “Daddy”

Just to see the look on some faces

Whenever my son is revealed as the one

Who wins all the games and the races.

“Oh yes, Daddy’s enormous”

All the commentators would say

“And Daddy’s been known to dominate

“Everybody who stands in his way.”

Let’s say Daddy learned to play hockey…

I think that would sound pretty slick:

“Daddy comes quickly towards the goal!

“I love how he handles his stick!”

Daddy could master the breast stroke,

Or hook up with a tight end,

Dribble his ball for a lay-in

Or illegally use his hands “to defend.”

Yes, my athletic son Daddy

Would make even golf fun to watch…

But alas, God made me a poet

And no athlete shall be conceived by my crotch.

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Change Who’s Steering, Or Just Bail Out?

Sometimes it seems

Like society is a sled

Screaming down a snowy hill

To the place from which we fled,

And everyone who rides the sled

Are begging it to slow,

Save those who see the ski jump

And exclaim, “How high we’ll go!”

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Question Everything

Grassy field,

Snowy chicken,

Sandy bug spray,

Yep to the tooth helpers.

Greedy locks mispelled rent 

As goose.

This poem still makes more sense

Than the “share on twitter” link

On porn websites.

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Public Spaces

Let me tell you

What I saw

While walking in the park:

A naked tree

And silent dog,

Both without their bark.

An ice cream truck

And teenagers,

Both trying to stay cool.

A screaming child

And litter,

Both unwanted in a pool.

The smell of grass

And pollen,

Both filling up my nose.

That girl I dumped

And no hiding place,

‘Cause that’s the way it goes.

A wad of dirt

And my own good arm,

My ex’s now-brown eyes.

Some flashing lights

And handcuffs

Makes me doubt my plan was wise.

A cop’s back seat,

Some iron bars,

A jury of my peers,

Now it’s just me

And “Chainsaw Ted”

For five to seven years.

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The Day Before the Sawmill Incident

I’m tired of sleeping,
I long to be awake,
But my stupid human body
Has a need I cannot slake.

So I’ve decided on a compromise
To fulfill my needed slumber.
I’ll sleep while I’m at work.
It’s easy enough to cut up lumber.

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