I didn’t like to talk
So I said, “I hate speech.”
Mr. King was sad
Because it’s his job to teach.
He said, “That is incorrect.
“You should say, ‘I use hate speech.'”
I quoted him out of context
And now he’s homeless on the beach.
Tag Archives: Bad
When You Stretch For The Pun And Hurt Yourself
I want what a former president may do
Were he a bird who saw a speck
‘Cause I don’t like the words “and a.”
I want a Bush’ll peck.
Filed under Poems
Something To Look Forward To
Until we meet my bed is made,
My shirts are pressed, my bills are paid,
My car is washed, as is my hair
Because you might be anywhere.
Until we meet I’ll laugh and smile.
I’ll be polite and dress in style.
I’ll tip well and I’ll laugh a lot
And hope that your eye will be caught.
Until we meet I’ll be a saint,
Speak properly and not say “ain’t,”
And when you’ve sworn off other men
Then I can be a dick again!
Filed under Poems
Manly Sea Captain Poems
I was a pirate cap’n
A’sail upon the sea
And I’d laugh at the other ships
When they would try to flee.
I’d sail up behind ’em
And though they might protest
I’d grab ’em by the booty
At my cap’nly behest!
——————————————————–
When your captain is a man
“Land ho!” is often said.
When your captain isn’t
They shout “Land, hoe!” Instead.
——————————————————–
When I became a captain
I quit being a virgin
Thanks to an encounter
That I had with a sturgeon!
Filed under Poems
Introvert Riots
Today I protested protests
By going to the store,
Putting items in my cart
Which I did then pay for.
I then departed quietly
And went back to my house
Where I tweeted “Peace and love”
Before I beat my spouse.
Filed under Poems
When Cops Steal Your Pets (At Least You Still Have Your Family)
I got licked by a dog,
Then I got licked by a cat,
Then I got licked by my uncle
But the Feds put an end to that.
Filed under Poems
The Heroes We Need
The closest of friends
Were Buttock and Cheek.
One was quite hairy,
The other quite sleek.
Whenever the world
Seemed wrong for a bit
The two came together
And stopped all that shit!
Filed under Poems
Tell Me This Doesn’t Rhyme!
Ding Chang was changing his password
To 🈚️🈶🈷️🈸🈺
But Google called it invalid
So instead he wrote 🈚️🈶🈷️🈸🈵
Filed under Poems
Good Clean American Cinema
If the Florida Air National Guard
Gets attacked by a suicidal croc
And they try to assassinate the leader
By using many a Blackhawk
Then discover the croc was Muslim
And they make a movie about it later
I hope they give it the title:
“Hella’copters vs. Allah Gator!”
Filed under Poems
I Wrote My Mom A Good Poem. This Isn’t It, You Freeloader :-)
I like to think of weird jokes
So I wrote one and hid it.
It’s not a “Yomama” joke
‘Cause then everyone would get it!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 