No matter the size of our brains
Or the density of our bums
All humans are united in knowing
That buttocks can double as bongo drums.
Tag Archives: Butts
No Butts About It
Imagine a world where nobody
Has a butt of any kind:
Nobody would ever poop again
And nobody’d ask “But why?”
Pants wouldn’t be near as popular
And gym girls would work on their pecs
And some guys would probably fantasize
About lasses with the jiggliest necks.
No one would horde toilet paper
And fart jokes just wouldn’t exist
And I could go on, but I think my point
Has been made just with this little list.
Filed under Poems
Rape Culture?
I was the star of my football team
Through high school and beyond.
I was six-foot four, 400 pounds…
When I walked I shook the floor.
When I got to college
I tried out for the offensive line
But apparently “make me a sandwich”
Had been used, and I was declined.
I dieted, I exercised,
I worked both day and night.
I dropped to a mere 250 pounds
And practiced catching right.
I came back my sophomore year
And became the team’s tight end.
I got a jersey and a girlfriend.
I thought my life was on the mend.
But, through football player logic,
I thought some heads needed a dent.
The police disagreed with me
So off to jail I went.
Now four years later I return,
No longer a brawler or deceiver.
You may go to jail a tight end
But you return a wide receiver.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 