Tag Archives: Butts

The Rhythm Of Universal Truth

No matter the size of our brains

Or the density of our bums

All humans are united in knowing

That buttocks can double as bongo drums.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

No Butts About It

Imagine a world where nobody

Has a butt of any kind:

Nobody would ever poop again

And nobody’d ask “But why?”

Pants wouldn’t be near as popular

And gym girls would work on their pecs

And some guys would probably fantasize

About lasses with the jiggliest necks.

No one would horde toilet paper

And fart jokes just wouldn’t exist

And I could go on, but I think my point

Has been made just with this little list.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Rape Culture?

I was the star of my football team

Through high school and beyond.

I was six-foot four, 400 pounds…

When I walked I shook the floor.

When I got to college

I tried out for the offensive line

But apparently “make me a sandwich”

Had been used, and I was declined.

I dieted, I exercised,

I worked both day and night.

I dropped to a mere 250 pounds

And practiced catching right.

I came back my sophomore year

And became the team’s tight end.

I got a jersey and a girlfriend.

I thought my life was on the mend.

But, through football player logic,

I thought some heads needed a dent.

The police disagreed with me

So off to jail I went.

Now four years later I return,

No longer a brawler or deceiver.

You may go to jail a tight end

But you return a wide receiver.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems