Jared was still very small
When he saw cattle fall
Into a slumber, fast and deep.
With no reason or rhyme
Someone said “It’s pasture bedtime”
And so Jared went home and fell asleep.
Tag Archives: Cows
Life’s Hard Questions
If you gave a guy from Zimbabwe
A billion dollars cash
He could buy a whole lot of cattle
And a man with a lot of cattle is rich,
But if you give an American guy
A billion dollars worth of cattle
He can send his enemies cow poop
For the rest of his life,
So who’s the real winner?
Filed under Poems
The Farmer’s Breakup
If you see a cow
Running o’er the fields of Maine
Please tell her that I was wrong
And to please come home again.
Filed under Poems
I Apologize In Advance
I visited a farm
When I was a Sophomore
Where I met a cow named Landeskog,
The only Swedish cow I’d seen before.
Later, when I was eating lunch,
A pack of mac and cheese,
Landeskog started crying
Right on my macaronis.
So all the tedious lead up
That has been this vignetti
Is to tell you of the time I had
Swedish meat bawl on my spaghetti.
Filed under Poems
The Sports Cow
Well Jeb, he was a farmer
Workin’ at a dairy.
He milked the cows,
he worked the plows,
Side by side with his loving wife, Mary.
But as a man he had an urge
To power up his life.
So he ate corned beef hash
and saved up his cash
And bought a gift for his wife.
Well Jeb, he covered Mary’s eyes
And led her to the field,
Where there waited a bull,
its proverbial tank full
And its eyes gleaming like a windshield.
“He does zero to 20 in an eighth of a second,”
Jeb boasted, feeling swell.
“He’s got lots of meat,
and a leather seat
And he sings farmer in the dell!”
Mary, well, she had her doubts.
“How much did you pay for this bull?”
“Just a hundred and ten,”
Jeb answered, and then
Mary, a tantrum did pull.
So Jeb had to return his fancy bull
To the fancy bull guy. What a bummer!
But he got his way
The very next day
When he purchased a shiny new hummer.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 