Tag Archives: Free Verse

Modern Art

Harry stood on stage,

Took a deep breath,

And said, “The,” for forty days.

Every day another voice joined

For eleven and a half weeks.

On the forty first day,

Harry stood on stage,

Took another deep breath,

And said, “World,”

And the followers waited a day

Before echoing him.

And so it was that Harry

And the multitude who came after

Sang a round, “The World,” in eighty days.

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Trouble In Baltimore

My child asked me this morning

“If hitting is bad,

“How come people hit baseballs?”

Then he flew away.

I later discovered

He was not my child at all.

It was an oriole in disguise.

His sudden aversion to hitting

Makes sense now.

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Life’s Hard Questions

If you gave a guy from Zimbabwe

A billion dollars cash

He could buy a whole lot of cattle

And a man with a lot of cattle is rich,

But if you give an American guy

A billion dollars worth of cattle

He can send his enemies cow poop

For the rest of his life,

So who’s the real winner?

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Jesus Bought The DLC

I think that when you die

You just wake up in a dark room

And someone tells you

“Your free trial of Life has expired”

And you have to make a new email address

‘Cause you’re poor.

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Bachelor Life

Sometimes

When I see a beautiful woman

I feel compelled

To approach her,

Take a sip of champagne,

Gargle it loudly for 12.5 seconds

Then just walk away

‘Cause I don’t need all that drama.

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Head In The Clouds

I looked up at the clouds

To the the faces in the sky.

I saw one, with a large nose

And big blue eyes

And goofy white hair.

And I wondered

“Is he going to open his parachute soon?”

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All I Want For Christmas…

If you ever give me a puppy

I want you to name it “Trollop”

So I can shout “Trollop”

At the top of my lungs in the park

And not go to prison.

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A Poem Is…

A vague sentence

Full of supercilious words

Spread out asymmetrically

Over multiple

Lines,

Rhyming

Optional.

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The Second-Greatest Invention Of All Time Was A Cutting Device

The greatest invention of all time

Was the invention of paper

Not because it simplified written language

Or made knowledge portable,

But because it drastically reduced the number of ties

In the popular game of “Rock.”

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We are the .0000000000000000000000000000000000000…1 percent

“My feelings matter”

Screamed the important human

And a few quadrillion cubic lightyears

Of hyper-intelligent space blobs

Smiled and reminisced

On when they thought the same thing.

Two or three universes away

The process repeated.

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