Tag Archives: Free Verse

Jesus Bought The DLC

I think that when you die

You just wake up in a dark room

And someone tells you

“Your free trial of Life has expired”

And you have to make a new email address

‘Cause you’re poor.

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Bachelor Life

Sometimes

When I see a beautiful woman

I feel compelled

To approach her,

Take a sip of champagne,

Gargle it loudly for 12.5 seconds

Then just walk away

‘Cause I don’t need all that drama.

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Head In The Clouds

I looked up at the clouds

To the the faces in the sky.

I saw one, with a large nose

And big blue eyes

And goofy white hair.

And I wondered

“Is he going to open his parachute soon?”

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All I Want For Christmas…

If you ever give me a puppy

I want you to name it “Trollop”

So I can shout “Trollop”

At the top of my lungs in the park

And not go to prison.

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A Poem Is…

A vague sentence

Full of supercilious words

Spread out asymmetrically

Over multiple

Lines,

Rhyming

Optional.

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The Second-Greatest Invention Of All Time Was A Cutting Device

The greatest invention of all time

Was the invention of paper

Not because it simplified written language

Or made knowledge portable,

But because it drastically reduced the number of ties

In the popular game of “Rock.”

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We are the .0000000000000000000000000000000000000…1 percent

“My feelings matter”

Screamed the important human

And a few quadrillion cubic lightyears

Of hyper-intelligent space blobs

Smiled and reminisced

On when they thought the same thing.

Two or three universes away

The process repeated.

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