My wife has a disease
Where her nose is really oozy,
Her muscles ache, she’s sneezy,
And occasionally woozy.
She sleeps a lot and burps a lot
And makes a sound like “schplurk”.
I’m going to kiss her on the mouth
Then take some time off work.
Tag Archives: Disease
So Basically Tide Pods, Right?
If you’ve always dreamed of fame
But the dream never came to fruition
I have a helpful tidbit
From yours truly’s intuition:
Drink a bunch of chemicals
Then pretend you have the flu
And with any luck some doctor
Will name a condition after you!
Filed under Poems
A Bad Combo
The nurse told me I’m dyslexic.
I told them “could be worse.”
They said “and you’re a phenylketaunuric.”
Well, I was wrong. That’s fro urse.
Filed under Poems
The Rich Man Thinketh
I’ve developed a nasty growth,
A blighting blob of bloat
Called a sense of self-importance.
I have a strong desire to gloat.
Considering my presence
On this great orb on which we float
I realize how unhealthy this is,
Yet I’ll still buy that fur coat.
Filed under Poems
A Letter from My Cough
It’s not that I don’t want you
To ever go to sleep.
I’m just afraid that you’ll forget
About this post-nasal seep,
And so every now and then
I give your throat a tickle
And hope that while you’re coughing
You think about my mucus trickle.
When, like me, you’re just a symptom
It’s hard to find romance,
But when you crawled into your bed
I thought I’d take a chance.
Well, now you probably hate me
And I don’t blame you a bit.
Sorry it wasn’t good for you,
But I take what I can get.
Filed under Poems
The B.A. Blues
My eyes water,
My arms sweat,
When I see
My Bernadette.
My tongue goes numb,
And I can’t feel my face
When I see
My lovely Grace.
My feet itch,
My buttocks yawn
When I see
My darling Dawn.
I think that college
Did this to me,
‘Cause I’m a bachelor
In the first degree.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 