Hi there, Heidi,
How’s it hangin’?
How’d you like to go
To dance with me
Like, oh, let’s see,
Perhaps this week’s HoCo?
I could say yes,
But I must confess
I’ve another option that night
And it’s kind of a doozy…
A diarrhea jacuzzi…
So I’ll pass, if that’s alright?
Filed under Poems
As I age, I realize
How many rejections were not lies.
It turns out her washing her hair
Does take the entire evening. So there.
Filed under Poems
Tonight I went to Alaska
In my imagination
For a very lively
Nine-minute vacation.
The reason that I took
Was to say that it’s alright
And my daily streak’s unbroken
Thanks to an imaginary flight.
Filed under Poems
If you ever give me a puppy
I want you to name it “Trollop”
So I can shout “Trollop”
At the top of my lungs in the park
And not go to prison.
Filed under Poems
Just a few hours
Since last I wrote verse
My health and comfort
Have grown ever worse.
I’m caughing and wheezing,
Congested and achy,
Borderline antisocial
And across-the-line flaky.
But I find in this state
Of poor manners and health
I’ve gained more than money…
A much grander wealth:
The fortune and glory
My sickness imposed
Was not giving a shit.
It’s better than I’d supposed.
Filed under Poems
Let the record show
I really didn’t know
That an iceberg could do damage
Like that iceberg did.
Don’t think I didn’t care
That a floating bit was there,
Begging for some rammage
With nine-tenths of its body hid.
Let the record indicate
That good-old-me, the captain’s mate,
Gave warning to the skipper,
But he did merely scoff.
Then the captain broke the ship
And so he went out for a dip.
He was a lousy tipper,
So in the end, we’re better off.
Filed under Poems
