Tag Archives: Excuses

All I Want For Christmas…

If you ever give me a puppy

I want you to name it “Trollop”

So I can shout “Trollop”

At the top of my lungs in the park

And not go to prison.

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I Can’t, On Account Of My Poor Constitution And Admirable Apathy

Just a few hours

Since last I wrote verse

My health and comfort

Have grown ever worse.

I’m caughing and wheezing,

Congested and achy,

Borderline antisocial

And across-the-line flaky.

But I find in this state

Of poor manners and health

I’ve gained more than money…

A much grander wealth:

The fortune and glory

My sickness imposed

Was not giving a shit.

It’s better than I’d supposed. 

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Good Riddance

Let the record show

I really didn’t know

That an iceberg could do damage

Like that iceberg did.

Don’t think I didn’t care

That a floating bit was there,

Begging for some rammage

With nine-tenths of its body hid.

Let the record indicate

That good-old-me, the captain’s mate,

Gave warning to the skipper,

But he did merely scoff.

Then the captain broke the ship

And so he went out for a dip.

He was a lousy tipper,

So in the end, we’re better off.

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