Nothing says “Stud” like
Wearing a Hawaiian shirt
With a sweater vest
Tag Archives: Fashion
Getting Dressed
There once was a skirt from Jerusalem
That wanted to grow its vertical some.
It tried adding a shirt
But it turns out the skirt
Might have needed a dress rehearsal., hm?
Filed under Poems
Fashion Magazines
You may think me presumptuous,
Perhaps you’ll think me rude,
But I have to wonder
How women and some gay dudes
Published some airbrushed photos
And said, “This is beauty now,”
And everyone said “Ok, cool.”
But seriously… how?
Filed under Poems
Why Animals Are Better Naked
In the beginning
When Adam and Eve
Decided to hide
Their groins with some leaves
A great cat of Eden
Chose to enhance
Its modest appearance
By wearing some pants.
Were he a cheetah,
A leopard or lion
Their would be no problem
And all would be fine.
Alas, ’twas a puma
Who chose to get dressed
And he said “I puma pants”
And was teased ’til depressed.
And so he went naked
And other beasts did the same
Until that one girl
And the dog-sweaters came…
Filed under Poems
Kilts, On The Other Hand, Are Amazing
Shorts are the least sexy
Item of clothing
A human can possibly wear,
Beating out Birkenstocks,
Codpieces, bandanas,
And even trench coats made of hair.
I see Lady Gaga
Wear a dress of raw meat
And I think “Well, I guess it’s okay.”
But if I see your knees
And you’re not in a skirt
Then you’ve probably ruined my day.
Filed under Poems
Voyage to the Mall
The fruit loomed above me
As I Dockered the ship
On some Banana Republic
That smelled of Geoffrey Bean dip.
I rubbed my old fencing wound
Out of sight of the fella’s
That I got when I failed
A parry with Ellis.
The weather was silky,
A tres Calvin Clime,
And this old Navy man
Filled his coconut with lime.
But after I’d dithered
For three stanzas or so
I purchased some stuff.
That’s how shopping trips go.
Shining Armor?
They were selling shining armor
Of a glossy silver sheen,
But in armor so cliché
This knight would not be seen
For I’m not just a crusader;
I’m a pretty darn cool cat
‘Cause I passed on shining armor
In favor of the matte.
Filed under Poems
Fashion
I don’t wear enough color
If you believe her.
I’d wear mauve, taupe, or beryl
If I knew what those were.
Answer: All Credibility
Like a polyester sunset
On a foreign moon
My tangerine and violet pants
Will make the ladies swoon.
I know I am an icon
Since I bought my puce fedora
And an indigo graphic t-shirt
About the African diaspora.
I’ve got a turquoise leather coat
And burgundy canvas shoes.
I’m going to make a statement.
What have I got to lose?
Filed under Poems
The Cost of Fashion
You were a frumpy lady
In K-Mart head to toe,
But somewhere in your mind
My wallet said “Yolo.”
And thus began your journey
To your new, expensive self
Hoping to find happiness
On some designer’s shelf.
When my first check bounced
On the 23rd of June
I realized the price of your disguise
And howled to the moon,
‘Cause that two-hundred dollar t-shirt
And ten-thousand dollar sack,
Along with ninety pairs of shoes
Bought the shirt right off my back.
And to the lawyers who’ve been listening
I think you really oughta
Make sure she pays the alimony,
Even if it’s paid in Prada.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 