Tag Archives: Animals

Really Puts Things In Perspective…

A seahorse is always angry

For that is the seahorse’s curse.

You probably can’t tell that it’s angry

And that just makes the poor thing feel worse.

The things that make seahorses happy

Are skis and the word “Bangalore.”

The next time that you see a seahorse

I hope you can empathize more.


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But Please Don’t

If I were a flamingo, um…

You wouldn’t be reading this poem.

If I were a beaver

You wouldn’t be reading it either.

If I were a yak

You’d have the last 10 seconds back.

But alas I am a human

So if you want to sue me, you can.

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Rescue Animal Used Bite: It’s Super Effective!

The animal lovers called it

“A barbaric dog fighting cabal.”

I called it “Well meaning people

“Who haven’t discovered Pokemon Go.”

Take that vegans!

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Fired From Hallmark… Again

Why’d the first flamingo think

“I’ll be flightless, awkward, pink?”

How’d the first hippo decide

To be as tall as it was wide?

Why did the first jackass choose

That name as the one to use?

You may wonder, so here’s a clue:

They all wanted to be like you!

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Stallion Of The Sea!

A mermaid’s on my back

And another is in my jaws.

One appreciates my service

And the other sees my flaws.

My coat is warm and fluffy

And made of tiny molars.

I’m a great white horseshark

And my virtues have many extollers.

My mane is made of dreams

And my tail’s made of kelp

And if you could speak underwater

My presence would make you call for help.

I can smell blood from miles away.

I can run and jump and swim

But you prefer me to your boyfriend

‘Cause I understand you better than him.

Let’s go for a ride

And munch on a whale.

Who needs horseshoes

Or a boat to sail?

Yes, we can be friends,

Omnivorous kin.

But if you hate me I don’t mind.

I’ve got very thick skin.

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Correlation and Causation

The caged hamster

Lays no eggs.

Imprisoned gators

Give no milk.

Detained cobras

Have no legs.

Subjugated silkworms

Yield no silk,

Yet free-range chickens

Lay eggs daily.

Fence-free cows

Give endless cream.

Freedom lets you

Go through life gaily,

So free the hamsters and reptiles

And we’ll live the dream!

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To All The “Alt-Moms” Out There

Little birds fly

And small children don’t.

Dogs obey loving masters

But small children won’t.

Whales jump on command

Through rings made of fire

But children would never

Do something so dire.

Small children are builders,

But so is an ant.

A fly can do everything

Small children can’t.

Pediatricians are pricey.

What’s cheaper are vets.

That’s why I shun children

In favor of pets.

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