Tag Archives: Animals

A Bad Choice Does Not Imply That It’s Alternative Is Good

The tiger is a fancy beast

That thinks of you as Fancy Feast.

If you’re not a fan of dyin’

You should only hug a lion.

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Why Animals Are Better Naked

In the beginning

When Adam and Eve

Decided to hide

Their groins with some leaves

A great cat of Eden

Chose to enhance

Its modest appearance

By wearing some pants.

Were he a cheetah,

A leopard or lion

Their would be no problem

And all would be fine.

Alas, ’twas a puma

Who chose to get dressed

And he said “I puma pants”

And was teased ’til depressed.

And so he went naked

And other beasts did the same

Until that one girl

And the dog-sweaters came…

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When You Could Be Productive, But…

Sometimes I wonder

What life would be like

If chickens went bowling

And cows went on strike,

If dolphins loved hockey

And dogs weren’t adored

And monkeys were funky

And, yes, I’m that bored.

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Weird Pets and the Poet That Jokes About Them

I found a pet I like to rub.

I brought it home and named it club.

Now folks aren’t sure how they should feel

After they learn my pet’s a seal.

——————————————————–

I wanted to buy a unique pet

Like a hedgehog from the store.

I asked how to tell the girls from the boys.

“The boys have one spike more.”

——————————————————–

The hunter said, “Look! A lesbian bear!

“Grab a rifle and go get her!”

I asked how to tell it’s a lesbian bear;

“They’ll eat snakes, but they like beavers better.”

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That’s Why My Nickname Is “Fish Lips”

My dad has the heart of a lion.

My mom has the heart of a gnu.

Sure, my dad has better taste

But they’re both banned for life from the zoo.

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Pet Peeves

Sometimes when I get frustrated

I throw my mouse at the floor.

After I get frustrated

I can’t go to that vet anymore.

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Really Puts Things In Perspective…

A seahorse is always angry

For that is the seahorse’s curse.

You probably can’t tell that it’s angry

And that just makes the poor thing feel worse.

The things that make seahorses happy

Are skis and the word “Bangalore.”

The next time that you see a seahorse

I hope you can empathize more.

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But Please Don’t

If I were a flamingo, um…

You wouldn’t be reading this poem.

If I were a beaver

You wouldn’t be reading it either.

If I were a yak

You’d have the last 10 seconds back.

But alas I am a human

So if you want to sue me, you can.

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Rescue Animal Used Bite: It’s Super Effective!

The animal lovers called it

“A barbaric dog fighting cabal.”

I called it “Well meaning people

“Who haven’t discovered Pokemon Go.”

Take that vegans!

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Fired From Hallmark… Again

Why’d the first flamingo think

“I’ll be flightless, awkward, pink?”

How’d the first hippo decide

To be as tall as it was wide?

Why did the first jackass choose

That name as the one to use?

You may wonder, so here’s a clue:

They all wanted to be like you!

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