A seahorse is always angry
For that is the seahorse’s curse.
You probably can’t tell that it’s angry
And that just makes the poor thing feel worse.
The things that make seahorses happy
Are skis and the word “Bangalore.”
The next time that you see a seahorse
I hope you can empathize more.
Filed under Poems
If I were a flamingo, um…
You wouldn’t be reading this poem.
If I were a beaver
You wouldn’t be reading it either.
If I were a yak
You’d have the last 10 seconds back.
But alas I am a human
So if you want to sue me, you can.
Filed under Poems
The animal lovers called it
“A barbaric dog fighting cabal.”
I called it “Well meaning people
“Who haven’t discovered Pokemon Go.”
Take that vegans!
Filed under Poems
Why’d the first flamingo think
“I’ll be flightless, awkward, pink?”
How’d the first hippo decide
To be as tall as it was wide?
Why did the first jackass choose
That name as the one to use?
You may wonder, so here’s a clue:
They all wanted to be like you!
Filed under Poems
A mermaid’s on my back
And another is in my jaws.
One appreciates my service
And the other sees my flaws.
My coat is warm and fluffy
And made of tiny molars.
I’m a great white horseshark
And my virtues have many extollers.
My mane is made of dreams
And my tail’s made of kelp
And if you could speak underwater
My presence would make you call for help.
I can smell blood from miles away.
I can run and jump and swim
But you prefer me to your boyfriend
‘Cause I understand you better than him.
Let’s go for a ride
And munch on a whale.
Who needs horseshoes
Or a boat to sail?
Yes, we can be friends,
Omnivorous kin.
But if you hate me I don’t mind.
I’ve got very thick skin.
Filed under Poems
The caged hamster
Lays no eggs.
Imprisoned gators
Give no milk.
Detained cobras
Have no legs.
Subjugated silkworms
Yield no silk,
Yet free-range chickens
Lay eggs daily.
Fence-free cows
Give endless cream.
Freedom lets you
Go through life gaily,
So free the hamsters and reptiles
And we’ll live the dream!
Filed under Poems
Little birds fly
And small children don’t.
Dogs obey loving masters
But small children won’t.
Whales jump on command
Through rings made of fire
But children would never
Do something so dire.
Small children are builders,
But so is an ant.
A fly can do everything
Small children can’t.
Pediatricians are pricey.
What’s cheaper are vets.
That’s why I shun children
In favor of pets.
Filed under Poems
