My dad has the heart of a lion.
My mom has the heart of a gnu.
Sure, my dad has better taste
But they’re both banned for life from the zoo.
Tag Archives: Animals
Pet Peeves
Sometimes when I get frustrated
I throw my mouse at the floor.
After I get frustrated
I can’t go to that vet anymore.
Filed under Poems
Really Puts Things In Perspective…
A seahorse is always angry
For that is the seahorse’s curse.
You probably can’t tell that it’s angry
And that just makes the poor thing feel worse.
The things that make seahorses happy
Are skis and the word “Bangalore.”
The next time that you see a seahorse
I hope you can empathize more.
Filed under Poems
But Please Don’t
If I were a flamingo, um…
You wouldn’t be reading this poem.
If I were a beaver
You wouldn’t be reading it either.
If I were a yak
You’d have the last 10 seconds back.
But alas I am a human
So if you want to sue me, you can.
Filed under Poems
Rescue Animal Used Bite: It’s Super Effective!
The animal lovers called it
“A barbaric dog fighting cabal.”
I called it “Well meaning people
“Who haven’t discovered Pokemon Go.”
Take that vegans!
Filed under Poems
Fired From Hallmark… Again
Why’d the first flamingo think
“I’ll be flightless, awkward, pink?”
How’d the first hippo decide
To be as tall as it was wide?
Why did the first jackass choose
That name as the one to use?
You may wonder, so here’s a clue:
They all wanted to be like you!
Filed under Poems
Stallion Of The Sea!
A mermaid’s on my back
And another is in my jaws.
One appreciates my service
And the other sees my flaws.
My coat is warm and fluffy
And made of tiny molars.
I’m a great white horseshark
And my virtues have many extollers.
My mane is made of dreams
And my tail’s made of kelp
And if you could speak underwater
My presence would make you call for help.
I can smell blood from miles away.
I can run and jump and swim
But you prefer me to your boyfriend
‘Cause I understand you better than him.
Let’s go for a ride
And munch on a whale.
Who needs horseshoes
Or a boat to sail?
Yes, we can be friends,
Omnivorous kin.
But if you hate me I don’t mind.
I’ve got very thick skin.
Filed under Poems
