Tag Archives: Football

This Losing Thing Is Underrated

At first today my heart was pained

By knowing every team

In the NFL I cared about

This year had lost their dream.

Then my brain switched on a light

And I did realize

Two teams I strongly dislike

Have to get hit by guys twice my size,

That excellence and victory

Brought them 4 weeks of extra pain

For a 50/50 shot

At a trophy they might gain.

And somewhere betwixt my brain and heart

I realized how futile are rings and crowns

And found new admiration

For the 49ers and the Browns.

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Gridiron

Gray steam rises from the sod

Obscuring the outlines

Of eleven men who would be God

If their teammates become so first.

The sky is darkness no one sees

Behind the lightning wall.

The crowd is warm despite the breeze

And bravado shields a heart’s true thirst.

A coin is flipped, a ball is thrown,

And bodies slowly shatter,

A ring is forever. A broken bone?

A pittance to the undying.

And so they fight, part man, part boy

So does decay commence.

They’ll either bottle tears of joy.

Or else just end up crying.

Here we see the warriors die,

Although they call it play,

Our voice is one great battle cry

To lend the few our will.

No longer are our swords so deft,

But fantasy’s alive.

Long ago the dragons left,

But here there’s magic still.

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Rape Culture?

I was the star of my football team

Through high school and beyond.

I was six-foot four, 400 pounds…

When I walked I shook the floor.

When I got to college

I tried out for the offensive line

But apparently “make me a sandwich”

Had been used, and I was declined.

I dieted, I exercised,

I worked both day and night.

I dropped to a mere 250 pounds

And practiced catching right.

I came back my sophomore year

And became the team’s tight end.

I got a jersey and a girlfriend.

I thought my life was on the mend.

But, through football player logic,

I thought some heads needed a dent.

The police disagreed with me

So off to jail I went.

Now four years later I return,

No longer a brawler or deceiver.

You may go to jail a tight end

But you return a wide receiver.

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Why I Love Football

This month we will experience

The NFL’s preseason

In which millionaires hit each other

Deapite the lack of any reason,

And we the fans will cheer

To kick our team’s rival’s posterior

Because we can’t play ourselves

Since we’re genetically inferior.

We’ll sit and eat and fart a bit

And somehow manage to sweat.

At the end half of us will sob

While half say “best preseason yet!”

Then we picture our team’s victory

And order larger pants

With the logo of some other team

That actually has a chance.

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Read This Poem To Your Children… You’ll Thank Me Later

Seahawks run.

Hawks run slowly.

Seahawks run quickly.

Spelling matters.

Patriots suck.

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For Those Who Can’t Wait, There’s Always Wrestling

Today’s a unique day

When tens of millions of men

Are depressed as they begin waiting

To see men in tight pants fighting again.

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And Then There Were Eleven Men Again

I’ve no fondness for New England.

Denver’s nice, I guess.

Cardinals aren’t my favorite birds.

Alas, I must confess

I’ve reached a decisive time:

I’ve stopped seeking out answers.

I’ve abandoned all reason and rhyme.

I just pray for the defeat of the Panthers.

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