She was a 10.
I was a male.
I thought it was love,
Then she said “I like kale.”
Tag Archives: Kale
Works On 5-Year-Olds, So…
Instead of sending crooks to jail
What if we made them eat kale?
I think they’d say that I’m a hero
For the idea that reduced all crime to zero.
Filed under Poems
On A Scale Of One-To-Steak…
When I see people eating kale
I find it kind of odd
‘Cause kale is to vegetables
As celery is to God.
Filed under Poems
Other Viable Weapons Include Chihuahuas, Telemarketers, And The Music Of Taylor Swift
Are you unhappy?
Perhaps you’re depressed?
You want to shoot up a school
Because you’re so stressed?
Don’t grab your assault gun
And make hunters sad.
Instead, grab some kale
And do something bad.
If a few more folk heroes
With defective prozac
Go out with a bang
Via kale attack
The liberals will ban it
And the world will shout “yay!”
To leave your legacy
That’s the very best way.
Filed under Poems
Reason #4,231,277 I Love Texas
You can make a salad
Out of Jell-o or potatoes,
One with cheese and croutons
Or bacon, lettuce, and tomatoes.
And though you can make a salad
Out of nothing more than fruit, you
Chose to make a kale salad…
I have no choice but to shoot you.
The Two Great Sources Of Human Suffering
The greatest mistakes man has committed
Are deferring their joy to be wealthy
And the not telling a lie when it was discovered
That eating kale was healthy.
Filed under Poems
Lone Survivor
I was driven this afternoon
To Lazy Susan isle
Where I hoped my friends and I
Could make our masters smile.
Alas, on our arrival
Our happy plan went wrong.
Our masters ate poor Jell-o,
And our fair Hostess, Ding-Dong.
I heard the screams of ice cream,
And the dying shrieks of cake.
I heard the moans of lady fingers
(Though I think those were fake).
How I survived I do not now,
But I’m alive to sing this ballad
Of the Lazy Susan massacre.
Yours truly,
Kale Salad
The Daily Travesty 