Tag Archives: Life Hacks

Bad With Names? Try This One Simple Trick That Oprah Said Is “No Comment”

If everyone in the entire world

Named their kids “Steve Penn”

We’d never have to sign our name

On anything again,

Never have an awkward moment

When you wake up in bed

With someone whose name you forgot…

Just say “Hey Steve” instead!

You’d never wear a name tag,

Never forget who wrote a play…

Everyone would win on Jeopardy

And movie credits would go away.

It’s such a great idea

That I hardly have to sell it,

Even though if everyone’s share’s the name

Baristas would still misspell it.

We would have an era of peace

If everyone were named “Steve Penn.”

That is, until people used middle names

And the chaos returned again…

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Filed under Poems

Other Viable Weapons Include Chihuahuas, Telemarketers, And The Music Of Taylor Swift

Are you unhappy?

Perhaps you’re depressed?

You want to shoot up a school

Because you’re so stressed?

Don’t grab your assault gun

And make hunters sad.

Instead, grab some kale

And do something bad.

If a few more folk heroes

With defective prozac

Go out with a bang

Via kale attack

The liberals will ban it

And the world will shout “yay!”

To leave your legacy

That’s the very best way.

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Filed under Poems