I look at you like you’re not even there.
I open you when I’m hot.
You shield me from the wind and rain.
Worthy, I am not.
You bring light to my little world,
Operate my computer.
You’re a wallflower in full bloom.
You make me see astuter.
When you’re dirty, you don’t complain.
You’d take a bullet for me.
You’re always there when I wake up.
Through you, the world I see.
Forget you, windows, I can’t. I won’t.
You have panes so that I don’t.
Filed under Poems
I met a girl the other day.
She was such a teas.
I was lost in the swing of her rose hips
And the bend of her chai knees.
She was sweet as a strawberry zinger.
Her hair was as black as Earl Grey.
She raised one lump or two in my heart
And she steeped in my thoughts all day.
And tonight I will drink in her presence
And maybe protect her from thieves.
If all goes well, we’ll have English Breakfast.
I read it in the leaves.
Filed under Poems
Your eyes are like storm clouds. Your hands are like starlight.
Your words are like raindrops on my hot tin roof.
Your body’s a fog obscuring the bar light.
You’re sunny one moment, but the next moment… Poof!
You flood me with passion and soak me with ardor.
I need an umbrella to hold back your love.
When driving with you, seeing the road is much harder.
I need to go buy a new rubber glove.
You’re my sleep in Seattle. You’re my plain in Spain.
You’re cute as a snowflake and big as the sky.
You keep me hydrated amidst stress and strain.
You make me gasp, and say “H2 oh my!”
Rainy day man, you are my silver lining,
And for your cumulus I always am pining.
But once in a while you need to go hide,
‘Cause I’m getting sick of just staying inside.
Filed under Poems
If you were a cow
I’d give you a moo.
If you were the floor
I’d take a picture of you.
If you were a quiz show
I’d hazard a guess,
But since you’re a human
I couldn’t care less.
I forgot your birthday,
Our anniversary,
And the day we’d planned
To spend, just you and me.
But I’m a very lucky man
To be in love with you,
I guess because, in hindsight,
You forgot them too.
Filed under Poems
I love the warm feeling
When I am inside you.
I knew it the moment
That I first tried you.
You comfort my body
And clear out my head,
But now I must leave you.
I’m sorry, my bed.
Filed under Poems
To me you’re like an insert thing here^
Full of double meanings
Absent of rhyme or reason
Or punctuation
You make my anatomy act
In a way appropriate for anatomy
In a situation of extreme emotion
Such as sweating
Swelling^
Or accelerated heartbeat
You make me want to write iridescent
Not because you are
But because it sounds pretty
And you like pretty things
Like diamonds
And Benjamin Franklin
This poem is not a pretty thing
I am writing it in bed
By myself
Shortly after waking up
At 4:30 PM*
I am alone
I have B.O.**
I have cable***
And five hours before bedtime****
Although it’s not a meaningful term
Because I might not leave my bed
Rehashing of the similarity
Between you and the object
Which was inserted in the first stanza^
Because after all
This poem is about you****
Happy Valentine’s Day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Untrue, but it makes me seem pitiful
** Probably true. Can’t tell due to nasal fatigue.
*** Also Untrue
**** See ***
^That sounded naughty…
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Cute and lively,
Covered in hair,
Running and screaming
Everywhere.
A long fur coat
And her tongue out at me
In the hotel bar:
My wife to be.
Filed under Poems
Far and wide I looked for you,
O’er mountains and rivers and bogs.
I fought off a dragon and two rabid dogs
And the rest of your family too.
I questioned the oracle up on the ridge
And she asked, “Where did you see her last?”
And so I pondered the memories past
And went home to look in the fridge.
Filed under Poems
You tell me how much time I waste
And predict my musical taste.
You hold my apps. My photos too.
Where would “i” be without you.
You give me guidance when I’m lost.
You’re worth my monthly data cost.
When I’m lonely on the road
I swipe to wake you and enter my code
And there I am! Right back at home.
In a pinch, you’re a mirror for my comb.
You light the darkness, check my mail,
Encourage me to “play again” when I fail.
You’ll be with me night and day.
To all your thoughts I’ll click OK.
So phone of mine, I cannot lie:
You are the Apple of my “i.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 