Tag Archives: Technology

I Started Writing This Poem In Real Time As We Tried To Watch A Movie, And ai Committed Way Too Hard To The Gimmick…

Portable DVD player

Why are you useless?

You should make life easier

But instead cause us stress.

I wish I could shoot you

In the face with a gun

But you don’t even have a face…

Another reason you’re no fun.

I’m writing this ode to you

As a professional IT person

Tries to make you work at all

Yet the situation does still worsen.

You are naughty, bad, and stupid

And a big mean jerk

But I’d rescind those judgements

If you’d just freakin’ work.

A part of me is fearful now

This poem will not end

Because you are our tech enemy

And not our entertainment friend.

Don’t you see the pain you’re causing

Readers of this blog?

All this to watch a DVD…

What a somber slog.

I would skip ahead in time

To tell you how this ends

But if we made a graph of progress

And analyzed the line of trends

I think the universe would end

In heat death before long

So just sing this poem over and over

Like the 99 bottles of beer song.

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Troubleshooting

This year I’ve devoted a considerable portion of time to two activities: Dating, and IT support. While normally doing both of these at the same time decreases the enjoyment in both activities, I’ve realized the two have a lot more in common than one might think. For example:

1. Bars are not good places to look for women or computers.

2. Most things you can’t recover from occur because of memory failures.

3. While tempting, upgrading to newer models is expensive and prone to supply shortages.

4. You will be appreciated for your people skills, not your technical expertise.

5. If you need to look up answers in a book, do it when you’re alone.

6. If something is smoking and/or leaking fluid, RUN!

7. You can know how things work, but you’ll rarely know why.

8. You sound smart if you notice incremental changes in appearance.

9. Nobody wants to hear graphic details (or details about graphics).

10. Most of the time you screw up, the error message comes too late to fix anything.

And the ultimate key:

11. When in doubt, make sure it’s turned on.

Also, the more energy you put in, the hotter everything gets.

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A Post-Phonebooth World

Clark was walking down the street

When an enemy appeared,

A foe only Superman could defeat.

It’s ugly head, it reared.

Clark took off his reading specs

And opened his smartphone app

‘Cause that’s how he changes costumes now

And also new comics are crap.

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Please Confirm Password… Please!

Some people are scared of spiders,

Some people are scared of mice,

But everyone’s scared of making a password

And typing the same mistake twice.

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Modern Problems Require Modern Solutions

When you remember your username

But the password you do not

And have to point out stop signs

To prove you aren’t a robot…

I think they should have a youtube ad

And if you don’t click “skip in 5”

They know you are a robot,

Or at least you’re not alive.

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Alas, Sales Would Fall Quickly In California

We as a species

Devote so much time

To inventing a car

That’s smarter than us;

A car that can fly,

Can swim or can jump,

Can brake automatically

And not cause a fuss.

I think we can dream

Even bigger than this,

That the auto market,

There is a way to win it,

And we must redouble

Our effort to invent

A car that implodes

When a moron gets in it.

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Youthful Needs 

My heart afire

In dead of night

I seek out comfort 

In my phone’s backlight.

I read and comment,

Like and share,

Yet, despite the burning heart thing,

I just don’t care.

Like silver in a rainbow,

Like water in the sun

I seek in vain for some intelligence

But find “25 people you wouldn’t believe used to be a nun.”

Then I look out the window

On the acres of green,

The infinite paradise

Of Earth so serene.

The rabbits are dancing,

The deer leap and bound,

The flowers are fragrant,

The air sweet with sound.

My heart’s more aflame now

Than ever it was.

Then deep in my pocket

I feel my phone buzz.

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99% Complete

70,020 updates

In a minute all are done,

So why’s it take an hour

For number 70,021?

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I’m An Outdoorsy Type

Sitting in the park

Amidst green and verdant trees

Checking my Facebook.

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I’m An Outdoorsy Type

Sitting in the park

Amidst green and verdant trees

Checking my Facebook.

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Filed under Poems