I’ve played the trombone
Since I was eight-years-old.
“No one loves trombonists”
I’ve frequently been told.
Despite this I persisted
With an empty heart and bed,
But now I think I’ve had enough.
I’ll play the accordian instead.
Tag Archives: Love
Last Chance!
To those of you
Who’ve found a love,
Or maybe just a date,
Tomorrow you’ll
Have happiness
From early until late.
For those like me
Who are alone,
Why are you still reading this?
You’ve still got
Some hours left!
Find something not-too-gross to kiss!
Filed under Poems
If So, You’re Doomed
If I were born with tentacles
Sticking out of my head
At first I’d think my life was rather sad,
But I could meet a pretty squid
And maybe have a kid
And then it wouldn’t be nearly as bad.
So if you have no limbs
Or an extra toe or two
Don’t worry. You’ll find love for sure!
You’ll find the one, I guarantee
Unless you are like me,
That is: online, honest, and five-foot four.
Filed under Poems
Spam Has Feelings Too
Sure, I send love notes
To quite a long list
Of folks who viewed websites
Your firewall missed.
One day I’ll be Rachel,
Then April or Pam.
I’m whomever you like
If you check out my cam.
My purpose of being
Is simply to please.
I’ll make your face a colon
With a parantheses. 🙂
Sure I’m a robot,
But please don’t be irked.
I’ll love you like Siri
If she actually worked.
Filed under Poems
Domestic Departure
Her skin smells of home
Like a freshly-cooked meal.
Her hair gleams in the sun.
Like a newly mopped floor.
Her eyes are as blue
As just-cleaned toilet water.
Too bad she doesn’t
Live here anymore.
Filed under Poems
Love in the Time of Gigabytes
I wish that we were pixels
Brought to life by LED.
I wish that ones and zeroes
Were all there was to you and me.
I wish we could reload our save
Whenever we had a fight,
But instead we’ve got reality
To see us through the night.
Our lives would sure be simpler
If the internet had a guide
To tell us what we need to share
And what we need to hide.
We’d get along much better
If you could simply pay
To get extra relationship points…
Oh wait, that’s Valentine’s Day…
I wish that we were perfect.
If I could make it so, I would.
I’m not perfect, nor are you,
But I’m content with good.
Yes, life would be simpler
As little dots of light,
But instead we’ve got reality
And with you, that’s quite alright.
Starcrossed Nemeses
She was like a James Bond villain:
Charismatic, certainly,
And she had a pool of sharks
And talked nonstop to me.
That suited me just fine.
I’ve also got an evil brain,
But I’m the type of bad guy
With bad teeth who gets thrown off a train.
Filed under Poems
A Table By The Men’s Room
Our eyes joined as one
Across the smoky hall.
Your heartbeat grew faster
And you let out a call.
I stood and approached,
So graceful and tall.
You thought of love,
And I of nature’s call.
Filed under Poems
Life On A Farm
My brother-in-law
Thinks poultry are sultry.
My other bro’s honey’s a bee.
I’m the traditional guy in the family:
Nothing but cousins for me!
Filed under Poems
