So I hear there’s a hurricane
Headed for Florida.
Under most circumstances
That’s a thing I’d abhor-ida
But it’s postponed the game
‘Tween the Dolphins and Rays
So my fantasy matchup is easier
Which deserves a few “yays.”
Tag Archives: Optimism
Not Pictured: Half-Full Glass, Girlfriend?
Everything in my life sucks
So I spend a lot of time
With my vacuum cleaner
Because I love irony
And clean floors.
Filed under Poems
???mism
Glass half-empty,
Glass half-full:
Whole debate
Is kind of dull.
Glass is folded
In a ball.
I don’t get
This debate at all.
Filed under Poems
72 Days Too Late
“Best by November 2016”
Was on my salad dressing.
I shook my head as I poured it on
And hoped that Kraft was guessing.
Now my life goes with the flow
And I eat only undressed veggies.
On the bright side never anymore
Do people give me wedgies.
Filed under Poems
The Next Humane Society Jingle
It’s the summer time
And it isn’t snowing.
The house needs cleaning,
The grass meeds mowing.
There’s no place to park
And the clouds have gone gray
But my heart’s light and sunny
‘Cause I neuter and spay.
Filed under Poems
Don’t Be One Of Those People
People complain frequently
Because something’s always bad.
If nothing’s bad at present
They remember something sad.
Alas, complainers never lack
Sources of inspiration:
If shit didn’t happen every day
They’d complain of constipation.
Filed under Poems
I’m An Optimist. A Facebook Test Told Me
Sometimes in our sweet world
Hell freezes over
And you find no joy in puppies
And no luck in a four-leaf clover.
But other times our sweet world
Goes to the regular fiery Hell
And we shed our layers and get a tan
And enjoy it pretty well.
So if you’re doomed to misery
Throughout all your days
You may as well enjoy it
And smile anyways.
And if not you can leave a sarcastic comment for a preachy poet. 🙂
Filed under Poems
Pragmatism
Optimists say the glass is half full;
Pessimists say it’s half empty.
As I poet, I must be an optimist
Because nothing rhymes with “empty.”
Look My Way, Mr. NSA
At first I was unnerved
By the thought of being observed.
But no longer do I utter groans.
Just think! A lass like me
Could help U.S. Security!
I smile at the very thought of drones.
They read my email and spam,
And when I’m on my webcam
I always throw those patriots a wink,
And if at night they watch
Some lucky guy might spy my crotch.
They give my life a gigabyte of kink!
So if you’re paranoid
You need not be annoyed
That big brother’s got his eyes on you.
Instead, it would be wise
To pity all the spies
Who have to watch the boring s*** you do.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 