People really go
Spend time talking to strangers
Without deadly threats?
Tag Archives: Parties
How To Gracefully Excuse Yourself From A Social Event
If you are called at host’s behest
To play the role of honored guest
And feel perhaps a little stressed
Then heed this wisdom I think best:
First, if you need not prevent
Your presence at the said event
Then notice how your time is spent
And be amazed how fast it went,
But if instead you wish to flee
You’re wise indeed to contact me
For ’tis amazing what you’ll see
If you, for just a moment, pee.
If urination’s not your style
Another way to leave a while
Is to enter, wave, and smile
And call out as a greeting, “Heil!”
If these two tips do not work out
Don’t underestimate a pout,
For dourness beyond a doubt
Is a fair way to thumb one’s snout.
Urine, Nazi, or be sullen:
All are safe ways to be cullen,
So brand yourself ein angsty creep
And thou shall glow from longer sleep!
Filed under Poems
Party Like You Forgot To Take Your Meds And The Voices Are Coming Back!
Everyone is happy.
Everyone is having fun
Until the quiet loner guy
Pulls out his loaded gun.
Everyone is joyful.
Everyone joins in the dance
‘Til that one guy from accounting
Pulls a K-bar from his pants.
It’s at that point the happiness
On that crowded dancing floor
Gives way to massive panic
And a stampede for the door.
Now K-bar guy is happy
As is Steve (He’s got the gun)
Because the flat is empty now
And the small talk is all done.
Filed under Poems
Single Parents
Creatures from the valley
And monsters of the sky
Meet once a year to celebrate
Somewhere around Shanghai.
They talk about their differences
And play some volleyball
And dance around a shooting star
And drink until last call.
Then they find a human folk
And roast them o’er the flame,
Because they’re monsters after all;
To not do so would be lame.
And having eaten, sinned, and all
They fly and dig back home.
Dad said that’s where mama went.
He read it in a tome.
Filed under Poems
I Try To Be Social
If I had a pet penguin
I’d be a cooler guy,
‘Cause nothing impresses people
Like a bird that doesn’t fly.
I know this as a fact,
Having garnered my first clue
When my neighbor had a party
After buying an emu.
So I went into the pet store,
But no penguin could be found.
I couldn’t even find one
In the wild or the pound.
That’s why I bought this parrot
Who says such funny things.
It’s not flightless, but hey,
At my party I’ll serve wings.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 