Tag Archives: Dark

Careful Where You Hang Your Hat

Some friends and I were mucking about

The attic when we found

And old top hat with a label that

Said “This makes men dance around.”

So we rolled some snowballs up

And made a face of carrot and coal

And we plopped that cap on the snowy chap

And pretended he had a soul.

Alas, for us, the sun was hot

And dancers tend to sweat

So when the day had gone away

That magic hat was wet,

So we hung it by the fire

Atop Grandpa’s antique poker…

So yes officer, that’s what did this to her.

‘Twas Frosty’s spirit that done broke ‘er!

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You Scream, I Scream, We All Scream Because Of Them…

Some folks like chocolate ice creams,

Some folks prefer vanillas,

And some folks don’t like ice creams at all

Because they’re serial killas.

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When The Light Goes Out Things Get Dark

There is one green light bulb

From an old Christmas tree

In the upper-left-hand plastic ring

Of the thingy that holds together

A six-pack of generic-brand cola,

Reclining in an Ohio landfill,

Never again to be lit

Or decorate a house

Or hold public office,

But the bulb is happy

Because it will outlast the family

Who chucked it in a hefty bag

And forgot all about it.

The bulb remembers.

The bulb is patient.

The bulb is all out of mercy…

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They Probably Met Online

Sharp and cold’s the flashing rain

Upon my black umbrella

Which I relinquish happily

Unto my new love, Stella.

Now her springtime golden tress

Is dry as my nervous mouth

For my journey takes me northward

While she vacantly looks south.

I stammer “what’s your number?”

As an adolescent might,

And I’ll never forget her eyes,

Dark blue just like the night.

“First you give me this thing,”

She says towards my umbrella,

“Then follow me for blocks

“Like I’m some sort of Cinderella?

“I won’t give you my number

“And I beg you, leave me be!”

Then she closed my umbrella

And thrust it into me.

And in that painful moment,

Twice breathless made am I

For my heart says “Dude, she saw you!”

Though my gut tells me to cry.

Thus as my tears join eagerly

The gutter’s growing moat

I wish her path be free of puddles

For I cannot lay down my coat.

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The Night Club

‘Twas deep in the evening,

Way the heck into night.

Unlit things were dark

And dark things weren’t light.

It was nothing like morning,

Like super late afternoon,

And she’s talked like this all evening

And I hope this date ends soon.

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How To Win A Fight With A Gorilla

Just don’t watch your children

When you take them to the zoo.

If it worked for Harambe

It’ll probably work for you.

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I Try To Be Social

If I had a pet penguin
I’d be a cooler guy,
‘Cause nothing impresses people
Like a bird that doesn’t fly.

I know this as a fact,
Having garnered my first clue
When my neighbor had a party
After buying an emu.

So I went into the pet store,
But no penguin could be found.
I couldn’t even find one
In the wild or the pound.

That’s why I bought this parrot
Who says such funny things.
It’s not flightless, but hey,
At my party I’ll serve wings.


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