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On a sandwich.
Tag Archives: Politics
The US Constitution (As Read By Congress)
Filed under Poems
Thank Very Much For Financial Consideration
If I were a Nigerian prince
With a million bucks to spare
I’d buy all the world’s balloons
To fill with mountain air,
Then withhold them from the peasants
Instead of sending cash to you
‘Cause that’s a dick decision
And it’s what dictatorial princes do.
Filed under Poems
USA, November 2016
Roses are reds,
Violets are blue,
These are both valid points, and I’ll address them in a moment, but first…
But does anyone stop to comfort the violets in their sorrow? Even once?
No!
You know, depression is a chemical imbalance and has many dangerous side effects. But when it becomes a part of ones identity, as it has for the violets, it transcends its mortal debilitation and becomes a blight on the very soul.
When I’m elected, I’m going to make violets purple again! And not by adding rose colored glasses, no. Not by that. Who needs all the thorns roses bring anyway? No, I dream of a garden where honest, hardworking violets can grow bigly without the radical redness of roses!
In other words, f*** you roses.
Let’s Get Pruning ™
This poem brought to you by Goldman Sachs.
Filed under Poems
Wanna Play?
I’ve invented a new sport.
Its much like soccer
Except instead of a ball
You carry around
A rich guy on a couch
Who just lies back to enjoy it all.
The couch player
Is very important
Because they direct their team.
I think I’ll name it
Monarchy Ball.
It’s more loved than it would logically seem.
Filed under Poems
Yay Democracy!
Trying to fix politics
By working from within
Is like using a trowel
To fill the Grand Canyon in.
Alas, fixing politics
By showing up to vote
Is like taking that same trowel
To South Dakota via boat.
Filed under Poems
Election Years
Do you feel the suction,
The all-consuming swirl
That spins you round and round
Until you have to hurl?
No, it’s not a whirlpool,
Tornado, or typhoon.
It’s the suck of the political ads
Headed your way soon.
Filed under Poems
Pre-Presidential Career Advice
Math has strength in numbers,
Computer science has Intel.
Musicians can pull the strings,
And drama can as well.
But the nerdy occupation
That wins while hardly trying
Are the mattress beta-testers,
‘Cause, oh man, they’re good at lying.
Filed under Poems
