Tag Archives: Politics

USA, November 2016

Roses are reds,

Violets are blue,

These are both valid points, and I’ll address them in a moment, but first…

But does anyone stop to comfort the violets in their sorrow? Even once?

No!

You know, depression is a chemical imbalance and has many dangerous side effects. But when it becomes a part of ones identity, as it has for the violets, it transcends its mortal debilitation and becomes a blight on the very soul.

When I’m elected, I’m going to make violets purple again! And not by adding rose colored glasses, no. Not by that. Who needs all the thorns roses bring anyway? No, I dream of a garden where honest, hardworking violets can grow bigly without the radical redness of roses!

In other words, f*** you roses.

Let’s Get Pruning ™

This poem brought to you by Goldman Sachs.

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Wanna Play?

I’ve invented a new sport.

Its much like soccer

Except instead of a ball

You carry around

A rich guy on a couch

Who just lies back to enjoy it all.

The couch player

Is very important

Because they direct their team.

I think I’ll name it

Monarchy Ball.

It’s more loved than it would logically seem.

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Yay Democracy!

Trying to fix politics

By working from within

Is like using a trowel

To fill the Grand Canyon in.

Alas, fixing politics

By showing up to vote

Is like taking that same trowel

To South Dakota via boat.

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Election Years

Do you feel the suction,

The all-consuming swirl

That spins you round and round

Until you have to hurl?

No, it’s not a whirlpool,

Tornado, or typhoon.

It’s the suck of the political ads

Headed your way soon.

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Pre-Presidential Career Advice

Math has strength in numbers,

Computer science has Intel.

Musicians can pull the strings,

And drama can as well.

But the nerdy occupation

That wins while hardly trying

Are the mattress beta-testers,

‘Cause, oh man, they’re good at lying.

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