Tag Archives: Postaday

November 23, 2015 · 12:50 pm

No New Messages

Hey there gurrls

On the internet.

I’m the sexiest nerd

You have digitally met.

My can read my handle:

TentaclesRMyLyfe.

I don’t mind you’re 16,

You can still be my wife.

You see my profile pic

With my shirt on the floor.

I know my photoshopped abs

Will make you swipe right for sure.

If you like obscure jokes

Come and give me a shout.

I’ve got a ragout rabbit

If your cooking’s maxed out.

Can I go all night?

Well, show you I will!

I can warranty that promise

With a little white pill.

So if you’re game, sexy,

Why not give me a “like?”

We’ll ride to heaven together

On my two-seater bike.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , ,

November 22, 2015 · 7:18 pm

Spirit Animals

I wonder if tigers,

Wolves, and Toucans

Think that their spirit

Animals are humans?

I could find no answer,

But see if you can.

And now I wonder whose spirit

Animal is a toucan.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , ,

November 21, 2015 · 5:10 pm

A Declaration of Independence From Humorless People

When in the course

Of humor events

It becomes necessary

To sever ties

Because jokes about Catholics,

Jews and Gents,*

Fat people and others

Are not always wise,

Then its time to move on

To where humor’s a sense

That people possess.

That’s just what I think.

So go somewhere unfollowable

By the immense,

The political and religious,

And flash them a wink.
*Abbreviation of “Gentiles.” Yes, I’m that stretched for a rhyme.

Happy Weekend!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , ,

November 20, 2015 · 7:09 pm

…Until You Fall Asleep

Is it evil to hate those

Who collide at high speed

And slow down the traffic

On your way to work?

If you type “Lol”

When you mean “I hope you bleed,”

Is that being human

Or being a jerk?

If somebody pokes you

And you grab their head

And crush it with gusto

In an industrial vice,

Or set them on fire

And chant “Presto Combusto”

Is that so wrong?

Ok… I’ll be nice…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , ,

November 19, 2015 · 6:45 pm

An Absence Of Violent Friends

I know a few ninjas

And I know a few knights

Who go to the park

And fly fancy kites.

Ask them for a teaspoon

And they’ll give you a cup.

They’re great ’til you need

To f*** someone up.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

November 18, 2015 · 4:47 pm

A Table By The Men’s Room

Our eyes joined as one

Across the smoky hall.

Your heartbeat grew faster

And you let out a call.

I stood and approached,

So graceful and tall.

You thought of love,

And I of nature’s call.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , ,

November 17, 2015 · 5:19 pm

European Medicine

Do you have

A song in your head

That makes you wish

That you were dead.

I’ve got medicine

To make that song come unfurled.

“It’s The Final Countdown.”

You’re welcome,

-The World

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

November 16, 2015 · 9:09 pm

How To Spot A Sociopath

I saw a man at Starbucks

Ordering hot cocoa.

The barista asked, “You want whipped cream?”

And that sick human being said “No.”

2 Comments

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , ,

November 15, 2015 · 7:46 pm

Don’t Write  a Poem When You’re Hungry

My mind is a pomegranate:

Juicy, seedy,

And it leaves stains on whatever it touches.

You don’t know how it opens

And it takes hours to process

And doesn’t fill you up.

Luckily my heart is some type of meat,

Probably liver.

Mmmm… Liver.

1 Comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , ,

November 14, 2015 · 2:03 pm

Two Minutes To Go

When you’re waiting for start time

Of a certain event

You can help pass the time

To a certain extent

By writing a poem,

By tying your shoes,

By checking your Facebook

Ot watching the news.

And it is not shameful

To abandon your task 

If that for which you wait

Suddenly starts

And you can’t think of a rhyme

So screw it.

1 Comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , ,