I always wonder how it feels
To work in an apple orchard.
Is picking fruit for people’s meals
Akin to being tortured?
It can’t be that bad, you say
But what happens if you break a leg?
Those apples all day keep the doctors away
No matter how much you beg!
Filed under Poems
One day I decided to climb a tree
So I started at the trunk
Then dug and dug through moss and dirt
Until my shovel said “thunk”.
And so I climbed on down the roots
Until I hit a molten core
And now you know who they make signs
With helpful pictures for!
Filed under Poems
He strode into town,
A wayfaring stranger,
His haunting black eyes
An invitation to danger.
The gun on his belt
Had been recently shot.
“Seems like a bit
“Too much trouble,” I thought.
So as he turned left
And hitched up his horse
I turned to the right
And continued that course
‘Til I got to the city
And started to grin
Knowing that was a Western
I wouldn’t be in.
Filed under Poems
I’ve got a flight
Tomorrow at noon.
It boards at 11:00,
An hour too soon.
I need to be
At the gate by 10:00 an’
That means to be safe
I’ll shoot for 9:07.
To get there by 9:00
I should leave around 8:00
So we’ll say 7:30
In case I run late.
I should set my alarm
To give myself time
To fully prepare
So let’s say 6:09.
When you figure in traffic,
Potential assaults,
The phase of the moon,
And seismological faults
I left yesterday
At 11:08
All the while disappointed
That I’ll probably be late.
Filed under Poems
I’m the type of friend
That gets called at 3:00 AM
By a buddy in a ditch
Needing someone to help them.
I’m the type of friend
Who will drive a hundred miles
At 90 miles an hour
To see tears turn into smiles.
I’m the type of friend
Who hits pedestrians
Because I do not sleep.
Yep, I’m that type of friend.
Filed under Poems
If I could be any animal
For just a single day
I would be a human
‘Cause right now my life’s ok.
Filed under Poems
‘Twas three weeks since start of fall
And I heard a siren’s call
And, despite cries of protest,
Drove where the siren led.
Now I surely can attest
I was deserving of arrest.
Next time I hear a siren
I’ll pull over instead.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 