I’ve been working the suicide hotline
For the better part of a year
But when someone says
“I want to jump in front of a car”
I can’t help but say, “Oh deer!”
Tag Archives: Short
The Enemy of My Enemy
You might be afraid of tigers.
You might run away from a bear,
But when a spider on your ceiling
Can give you such a scare
Think of the microscopic guy
Who made the spider hide up there!
Filed under Poems
Sick Jokes Man!
Unlike aids, ebola, and most cancers of the spleen
People make a lot of jokes about Covid-19.
Maybe if we isolated people with a tumor
We’d find the situation full of all new types of humor?
Filed under Poems
Great White Privilege
There once was a great white shark
Who lived in an amusement park.
He liked to eat fish
And every day got his wish…
Bet things would be different if he were dark.
Filed under Poems
Somebody’s Gonna Feel Butt-Hurt
Today you might feel sad
But you’re still better off than the guy
Who bought 90 rolls of toilet paper
Then found out it’s all single-ply.
Filed under Poems
Pickup Artists, March 2020
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
TP is white
And I’ve got some for you!
Filed under Poems
The Right Answer Is Not Always Correct
“You have sixteen melons
“And I take ten away.
“What do you have left?”
Just this gun and newfound prey…
Filed under Poems
Thanks Google!
I asked my Dad, “Before computers
“When you were bored what did you do?”
He wouldn’t say, and none of my sixteen
Brothers and sisters knew.
Filed under Poems
Two Types of Difficulty
Is it harder to be a single mom
Made pregnant at eleven
Or to be a single mom
When you’re a childless man at 87?
Filed under Poems
Economics 101
I was almost bankrupt
But rather than admit defeat
I missed a few car payments
And boom! I’m back on my feet!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 