Tag Archives: Coronavirus

From the Diary of Washington’s Next Top Martyr

This afternoon, Jay Inslee,

The Governor of WA,

Mandated everyone wear masks

To which I stated: “Ha!”

The problem with such mandates

Is that if up the police show

You can say “I’m attracted to plants today”

And they have to let you go.

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Not The Solution We Need, But The Solution We Deserve…

Thousands of New Yorkers

Are dying every day,

Yet no one has the courage

To step on up and say

“Send every smart-mouthed teenager

“Some radioactive Purell.”

We could have superheroes by now

But the government says “Oh well…”

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The Daily Bright Side?

In Venice, the dolphins are happy,

Galavanting in the canals;

Some folks say that Covid is the reason.

The people of Miami

Have big smiles as well

Because their Dolphins might not play this season!

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My Musings On The Economy

I’m a musician in Washington state.

Governor Inslee extended the date

Of the “Stay home, stay safe” order,

Banning two months of shows.

How I’ll make those 12 bucks back, nobody knows…

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If You Want A Cure By February…

We’ve spent weeks in quarantine

And doubt is setting in.

Our leaders have ignored

The simplest way to win

This war against a virus.

We ask: Why haven’t they

Called Chuck Norris on the phone

To make it go away?

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Somebody’s Gonna Feel Butt-Hurt

Today you might feel sad

But you’re still better off than the guy

Who bought 90 rolls of toilet paper

Then found out it’s all single-ply.

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Some Jobs Can’t Catch A Break…

Where I live in Washington

The schools are shutting down.

The restaurants are closing

All across my little town.

Musicians, actors, dancers

Have no place to ply their trade

And artists cannot show their work

And therefor can’t get paid.

Amidst setbacks and panic

There’s a cloud with a silver-line:

Though you cannot learn or act

Or dance or sing or dine

There is no ban on poetry

Being posted on the net;

Thus why I’m still writing at 10:39.

Is this virus over yet?

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We’re Also Live-Streaming Bird Songs And Countable Sheep

This is your local government

Now or pretty soon

Emailing to let you know

That we sanitized the moon.

Looking into space

Will no longer cause disease

So while we cancel everything

Go stargaze as you please.

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Made In China

Two Americans have died

From Coronavirus as of this date.

Also, 18,000 Americans

By the flu have met their fate.

That a virus 9,000-times less deadly

Than the flu can be this stressful

Is evidence enough for how

Asian folks are so successful.

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He’s Asian, So He’ll Probably Send Me $6

When the Coronavirus began

I sent my buddy a letter:

“Bet you five bucks this is the new plague

“Because asians do everything better.”

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