I gazed into her eyes,
Though she thought I saw her chin.
I was mesmerized at once
By the pixels of her skin.
Until we sent those videos
I was not the romantic type,
But now I sit corrected.
I fell in love at first Skype.
Tag Archives: Silly
What Would You Have Done?
My cat ate my fish,
Then my dog ate my cat,
Then my puma ate my dog
So I bought a pet gnat.
The Missing Element
I enjoy the first course,
And the second course too.
They were a fine salad
And also fine stew.
But by the third course
I thought “what a waste”
To have a meal in which
I could find no distaste.
So I pulled out my hair
To put in my entree,
And complained about it
When the waiter came my way.
All in all, Chez Fancié
Stood up to its clout.
I hope next time they serve
Something to bitch about.
Du’ck! An Acrostic Poem
Did you see it coming
Up above your head?
‘Cause if you didn’t, you’re probably
Kinda going to be a bit dead.
!
P.S. My new book is being released just in time for the 4th of July. Until June 26th (this Thursday), you have a chance to get a free copy! Check out the “coming soon” tab for more info.
P.P.S.
Sorry can’t explain my apol…
Ogetic attitude
Right now
Regarding today’s poem.
Yep, that’s about it.
Filed under Poems
Midlife Hammering
If I had a hammer
I’d hammer in the morning.
I’d hammer in the evening
All over this land.
I’d hammer for weeks
Until one week, without warning
I’d realize that my hammer
Was getting quite bland.
Then I’d sell my hammer
And buy a Mazerati.
I’d stay up in the evening
And buff it by hand.
I’d drive it to the movies
Until it got a door ding.
Then I’d sell it for a smart car
And maybe start a garage band.
Filed under Poems
The Expendable Letters
The letters Z and X,
And also Q and C,
Left the alphabet one day
In a flight of misery.
They knew they were superfluous,
That they could not make a sound
Unique and unimitatible
By the other 22 letters around.
And so we started seeing
Other letters filling in.
K and S hung out in a hotel lobby
Until J jekked them in.
The letters had more duties,
And had to get more brainy.
S started having seizures
Filling in for words like “zany.”
Eventually, they all came back
After things came to a head.
Alas, Q was still useless
And Z wanted to be called “Zed.”
X declared a monopoly
On marking spots on a map.
And poor old C remained
Just the first piece of Crap.
Filed under Poems
Origin Story
There was a farmer’s daughter,
And Gertrude was her name.
She didn’t turn out all that great.
Perhaps her parents were to blame?
Her smile was like curdled milk,
All thick and full of germs.
She ate the milk that fermented
With her best friends, the worms.
One worm in particular
Was a rapper by his trade.
One day he greeted her, “Yo Gert!”
And history was made.
So when you eat your Dannon,
Yoplait, Greek, or normal,
Remember Gert and the gangsta worm
And don’t be so darn formal.
Filed under Poems
Just Trust Me
There are very few problems
That cannot be solved
By a handful of raisins
And a baseball bat.
How do those fix it?
Is that what you said?
I was hoping you wouldn’t
Ask me that…
Filed under Poems
The Obligatory Mom Poem (Love Ya Mom!)
My mom is great, amazing, fine,
Perfect and extraordinary.
I’m grateful to her for all she does
And not naming me “Norman Harry.”
My mom is splendid, glorious, good,
Supremely radiant and such.
She supports my rhyming habits,
Even if it’s a bit too much.
My mom is strong and good-looking
And her children are above average.
She’s a fixture of nature,
Like a coral reef or lava-ridge.
My mom’s terrific, pretty good,
And her favorite color is purple.
She’s cuter than a bumblebee
And sweeter than maple-surple.
There are so many adjectives
That my mother can be.
She changed the world a thousandfold
By giving birth to me.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Nailed It!
If you miss a manicure
You may mot feel remorse.
But then, just you imagine
You were riding on a horse.
You granbed the reins and kicked your heels,
But the horse, it gave a buck
‘Cause it knew your nails were bland.
Yeah, that would kinda suck.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
The Daily Travesty 