Tag Archives: Silly

Then After a Twist Of Fate No One Could See Coming…

If your story’s just beginning

But your ideas have run out

There’s no need for disappointment 

So you can quit your silly pout.

All the greatest stories

Lose their steam before the end

And that’s why we continue

The “something lucky happened” trend.

It’s why stormtroopers can’t hit a barn

And main characters don’t get shivved.

Executions are delayed for a monologue

And Harry’s the boy who lived.

It’s why Ringwraith’s can sense the ring

From half a world away

But not when hobbits hold it

With a tree stump in the way.

Heroes outrun explosions

While the villain merely dies.

The white hats still draw faster

Despite the sunlight in their eyes.

So if you want a writing tip

I’ll give you one to keep:

As long as sh*t works out in the end

The fans will lose no sleep.

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Horse Shoes

Clip-clop, clip-clop.

The horse passes by.

Clip-clop, clip-clop.

It has no shoes, but why?

Flip-flop, flip-flop.

Problem solved.

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Regarding The Going-On of Hearts (Near, Far, Wherever…)

As icy water wraps me

Like Satan’s comfort blanket

The naked truth hits me

Like one of my French girls.

I realize that I will die

And almost certainly not win an Oscar.

I look out on the ocean,

Green waves far away massage

Where the shore’s shoulders would be

If the shore had shoulders.

A cold wind turns the surface

Into a speckled visage,

The watery face of a teenage boy

If that’s what the ocean were.

Leagues below, seaweed dances

As a beloved mermaid sings

About how unsatisfied she is

With royalty and wealth.

All I hear is screaming,

The sound of burning wreckage

Sinking below the surface,

And Celine Dion warming up offstage.

As I gaze into the eyes of my love

Whom I met a few hours ago

My suffering diminishes

For I do not suffer alone.

A thousand boyfriends will share

This 214-minute suffering

For so long as home videos exist.

I was her shoulder to cry on,

Something the shoulderless shore

Will never be.

Okay, I’m cold now.

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… Just Disappointed

I’m not mad that in a day

Awareness of the Manta Ray

And its lack of presence in verse

Has hardly changed, for better or worse.

I’m not mad that my attempt

Has not resulted as I dreamt.

Alas, it is not as I wished,

For still few care for the flat gray fish.

And so in my last plea to you

I wrote, of the Manta, this haiku:

Swimming manta ray.

Crocodile hunter slain

And still no poems.

I hope I have inspired you

To write rhymes of the great ray too.

Rhyming’s hard, and some will balk

Yet still I’m glad we had this talk.

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One’s a Crowd

I’m a lonely little elf

In the presence of myself.

The solitude, it hurts my head.

I just wish I’d stop talking and go to bed.

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Universal Spoiler Alert

“I think you’re wrong” said someone

Who thought that they were right.

“I think you’re wrong,” said someone else,

And they began to fight.

I’d bet a million pesos

You saw that on TV last night.

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“An Updated Classic” Or “Backstory”

It was one of those days

When you want apple pie

But the waitress is cute

And you’re just too shy.

It’s one of those days

To spend at the riverbank

But when you drive there, the water’s

All stuck in a tank.

You want to hang out

With men who are classy

But good guys are drunk, so you settle

For guys who’re half-assy.

And you and your half-assy

Friends you’ll soon see

Just sit around singing

About mortality.

Oh my my,

I missed the American pie.

Drove my chevy to the levy

But the levy was dry,

And the good old boys

Were drinking whiskey and rye.

Yeah, I guess this’ll be

The day that I die.

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Filed under Lyrics, Poems, Songs

Don’t We All

They say I’ve a nose like a bloodhound,

Eyes of an eagle, ears of an elf.

That’s a polite way for people to say

I suck at hide-and-seek when I play by myself.

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What Doesn’t Kill You

“What doesn’t kill you

Makes you stronger”

Is total BS.

What about candy,

Vasectomies,

And gastrointestinal stress?

Watching television

Or putting on your socks

Don’t build the muscles all that well,

Nor does eating with a spoon

Or staring at the sun

Or reading books that teach you how to sell.

So how about

Instead of that stupid saying

We make a stupid saying of our own?

“What doesn’t kill you

Can be made into bad poems

That can be written rather quickly on one’s phone.”

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A Few Good Runs

I eat a plum

To celebrate

A happy day,

Successful date,

A win at work,

A good night’s sleep,

Looking at a woman

Without seeming like a creep.

I’ve been succeeding

In lots of ways,

And I’ll be out of the bathroom

One of these days…

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