I like to raise a ruckus,
Rouse some rabble, have some fun.
I’m a manly man, so wild
That my hair is in a bun.
I’m true to my own nature
Even if it makes folks hate me.
I’m a mysterious loner bad-boy
So why does no one want to date me?
Tag Archives: Silly
A Sneak Peek At Poems From My Upcoming Senate Campaign
You may have both heard
I can’t be bothered
To write funny poems
Before evening’s chill.
I’d like to address
To the question, and yes
I will address it
Although first I will
Bring to your sense
The problems immense
That plague creativity
Such as lack of caffeine,
An unhealthy diet
(Though I’d urge you to try it),
And a sleep cycle deadly
To the health of one’s spleen.
These matters now raised
The establishment praised
Solutions that will not
These problems make right.
My plans will be different.
Now what was the question?
You don’t even remember.
With that said, good night!
Filed under Poems
And The Results Aren’t Even In!
Tonight in America…
All I’ve got to say
Is that yesterday’s poem
Is fading farther away.
Okay, I lied.
Either way four more years
Of falling stock values
And high sales of beers.
Filed under Poems
Prelude To A November Incarceration
Today I donned my costume
Of civilization’s promiscuity
And the intolerable agony
Such laxness ought to bring.
Yes, amidst the evening’s gloom
It looks a bit like nudity.
And officer, I’ll answer yes,
It is a nipple ring.
Filed under Poems
Lacking Results From My C/T Scan (In A Sense)
I have a confession:
I can’t spell dietician.
Autocorrect is not helpful
And abuses its position.
If it has a “c” or “t”
For the ician/itian portion
Forces all my logic
To perform quite the contortion.
I was going to write a poem
Full of whimsy, fun, and laughter
But I lacked aforementioned spellings
That I’d long-since afore-sought after.
Thus you get this poem
Lacking good diet advice.
On the bright side dumbness inspired me
And I guess that’s pretty nice.
Filed under Poems
Anyone Else?
Sometimes I feel
Like I am trapped
In a snowglobe
All night and all day
But then I fall
Into the sky
And hit my head on the glass
And the feeling goes away.
Filed under Poems
Being Tired/Me
It’s late and I’m tired.
Around my head animated ducks do dance.
I could go to bed
But realistically there’s really no chance.
Filed under Poems
I Propose A New Form Of Government, With Blackjack… And Hookers
“People can’t be trusted
“To govern themselves.”
Thus spake the many to you.
“But we, the incompetent
“Untrustworthy many
“Have the wisdom to pick those who’ll do.”
And so those who can’t govern
Pick from among them
An elite narcissistic few
And that, my dear readers,
Is why we the people
Are quite democratically screwed.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
The Mother-In-Law Speaks
Her skin was white and milky
Like a lump of unchurned butter.
Her hair was soft and silky
Like a smooth something-or-utter.
She lived with seven midgets
With ironic, mood-based names.
She gave me a case of the fidgets
And set my life aflame…
Bitch.
Filed under Poems
TV Commercials, In Essence
You’re going to spend
The rest of your life
Drinking water solely
To transform into pee.
Instead get hydrated
The new, better way:
*Insert catchy jingle*
Come get an IV!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 