Tag Archives: Cars

Poet Who Kicked Tires Hospitalized With Foot Injury

They said they found the car for me,

Right in my price range.

A week later I totaled it

When I got an oil change.

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Now You Know Why!

I was a cock a huntin’

For a wily, free-range hen

I needed a set of wheels

That appealed to chicks, so then

I went to get a car loan

And I jumped through a hoop.

Now I’m clucking happy

Crossing the road in my chicken coupe.

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Why The French Make Good High-Rollers

You may look real classy

In your souped-up chassis

And yet prove to be asses

When you read “chassis” as chasses.

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Hey Girl! Check Out My MPGs

I’m the Rolls Royce of romance,

The Lamborghini of love,

The Audi of ardor

And the driver thereof.

I’m a Bentley of bravery.

You’re a Cadillac cutie.

Alas I’m the Smart Car

Of wealth, status, and beauty.

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Alas, Sales Would Fall Quickly In California

We as a species

Devote so much time

To inventing a car

That’s smarter than us;

A car that can fly,

Can swim or can jump,

Can brake automatically

And not cause a fuss.

I think we can dream

Even bigger than this,

That the auto market,

There is a way to win it,

And we must redouble

Our effort to invent

A car that implodes

When a moron gets in it.

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“I” Pronounced “E,” In This Case Before “Le”

I looked for better deals

For my monthly cell phone plan.

Some offers good, others not,

There was a terrific span.

But the ad from Virgin Mobile

Was the one that caught my eye.

It was a picture of my car;

“Read our name again and cry.”

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What Brings The Anarchist To Lakeside Honda Sales

Glass lake,

Calm… serene.

As still and blue

As has ever been.

Glass lake,

The world’s eighth wonder.

In the distance…

Is that thunder?

Thunder rolling

Ever nearer

As Glass lake

Gets ever clearer.

Thunder’s louder.

Thunder’s struck.

Turns out thunder

Is my truck.

Thunder truck

Plunges forth

From the woods

With a sound like “Vlorsh!”

Into Glass lake

Thunder zooms

The serenity is gone

Replaced by fumes.

The ripples spread

As Thunder does sink.

That wasn’t as fun

As I would I would think…

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Winding mountain pass.

A deep voice talks about specs.

Gotta buy that Porsche.
There’s a friendly man

Succeeding at basic tasks.

Nope, just kidding. Lol!
That weird moment when

You’re watching some late night crap

And think “I need that.”

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Midlife Hammering

If I had a hammer

I’d hammer in the morning.

I’d hammer in the evening

All over this land.

I’d hammer for weeks

Until one week, without warning

I’d realize that my hammer

Was getting quite bland.
Then I’d sell my hammer

And buy a Mazerati.

I’d stay up in the evening

And buff it by hand.

I’d drive it to the movies

Until it got a door ding.

Then I’d sell it for a smart car

And maybe start a garage band.

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Last night was so traumatic
That I need somewhere to vent,
For deep inside my heart
This feeling, up is pent.

I was driving home that evening
Behind a smart car, of all things,
Admiring the method
By which Shakira sings

When I saw the telltale glint
Of two curious green eyes,
And at once I knew the smart car
Was going faster than was wise.

Out leapt the eyes, and with them
Came the body of the cat.
There was quite the explosion
With blood and all of that.

And so I’ve seen the process
Of roadkill. Such dismay!
At least I take some comfort knowing
That at least the cat’s okay.


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