Tag Archives: Cars

Birth, Youth, Life, Dying, Hell

To buy a shiny dump truck toy;

The dream of every little boy.

A loud and topless red machine;

The dream of every male teen.

A pickup and a minivan;

A father, yes, but still a man.

A growling beaut older than he;

A man who can no longer see.

An environmentally friendly car;

Wait, f*** that s***! You’ve gone too far!

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A Midlife Crisis At Any Age

I bought a ‘57 Chevy

(Or what’s left of it, at least)

And I fixed it up so I

Could be a sexy beast.

I cruised it up and down the block

To pick up saucy chicks.

Alas, my ‘57 Chevy

Doesn’t hide that I’m 86.

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Why I Don’t Work At Honda Anymore

I think a good name

For a model of car

Is “Starving African Child

“From Madagascar.”

The reason for this

I’d explain at a meeting:

One’s fast due to engines

And one fasts by not eating.

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On Vehicular Abuse

On behalf of all the tires kicked,

The roofs slapped, the bumpers knicked,

The cars entered without consent

And sold by men with ill intent:

We confess that in the past

We used you and we moved too fast,

Judged you by color and age

And failed to pay you any wage.

Forgive we ask, and hear our pleas

To cars and trucks and SUVs,

And with your help we make this vow:

With you, we’ll go the right way now.

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Car of Man, Car of Poet

He’s got a triple-axle

Turbo-powered 4×4

With a 12-liter v-20

And a carbon-fiber door.

It goes zero-to-sixty

In 1.72

And has a TV in the hood,

But me… My car is blue!

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Poet Who Kicked Tires Hospitalized With Foot Injury

They said they found the car for me,

Right in my price range.

A week later I totaled it

When I got an oil change.

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Now You Know Why!

I was a cock a huntin’

For a wily, free-range hen

I needed a set of wheels

That appealed to chicks, so then

I went to get a car loan

And I jumped through a hoop.

Now I’m clucking happy

Crossing the road in my chicken coupe.

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Why The French Make Good High-Rollers

You may look real classy

In your souped-up chassis

And yet prove to be asses

When you read “chassis” as chasses.

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Hey Girl! Check Out My MPGs

I’m the Rolls Royce of romance,

The Lamborghini of love,

The Audi of ardor

And the driver thereof.

I’m a Bentley of bravery.

You’re a Cadillac cutie.

Alas I’m the Smart Car

Of wealth, status, and beauty.

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Alas, Sales Would Fall Quickly In California

We as a species

Devote so much time

To inventing a car

That’s smarter than us;

A car that can fly,

Can swim or can jump,

Can brake automatically

And not cause a fuss.

I think we can dream

Even bigger than this,

That the auto market,

There is a way to win it,

And we must redouble

Our effort to invent

A car that implodes

When a moron gets in it.

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