They said they found the car for me,
Right in my price range.
A week later I totaled it
When I got an oil change.
Tag Archives: Cars
Now You Know Why!
I was a cock a huntin’
For a wily, free-range hen
I needed a set of wheels
That appealed to chicks, so then
I went to get a car loan
And I jumped through a hoop.
Now I’m clucking happy
Crossing the road in my chicken coupe.
Filed under Poems
Why The French Make Good High-Rollers
You may look real classy
In your souped-up chassis
And yet prove to be asses
When you read “chassis” as chasses.
Filed under Poems
Hey Girl! Check Out My MPGs
I’m the Rolls Royce of romance,
The Lamborghini of love,
The Audi of ardor
And the driver thereof.
I’m a Bentley of bravery.
You’re a Cadillac cutie.
Alas I’m the Smart Car
Of wealth, status, and beauty.
Filed under Poems
Alas, Sales Would Fall Quickly In California
We as a species
Devote so much time
To inventing a car
That’s smarter than us;
A car that can fly,
Can swim or can jump,
Can brake automatically
And not cause a fuss.
I think we can dream
Even bigger than this,
That the auto market,
There is a way to win it,
And we must redouble
Our effort to invent
A car that implodes
When a moron gets in it.
Filed under Poems
“I” Pronounced “E,” In This Case Before “Le”
I looked for better deals
For my monthly cell phone plan.
Some offers good, others not,
There was a terrific span.
But the ad from Virgin Mobile
Was the one that caught my eye.
It was a picture of my car;
“Read our name again and cry.”
Filed under Poems
What Brings The Anarchist To Lakeside Honda Sales
Glass lake,
Calm… serene.
As still and blue
As has ever been.
Glass lake,
The world’s eighth wonder.
In the distance…
Is that thunder?
Thunder rolling
Ever nearer
As Glass lake
Gets ever clearer.
Thunder’s louder.
Thunder’s struck.
Turns out thunder
Is my truck.
Thunder truck
Plunges forth
From the woods
With a sound like “Vlorsh!”
Into Glass lake
Thunder zooms
The serenity is gone
Replaced by fumes.
The ripples spread
As Thunder does sink.
That wasn’t as fun
As I would I would think…
Filed under Poems
Haikommercials
Winding mountain pass.
A deep voice talks about specs.
Gotta buy that Porsche.
There’s a friendly man
Succeeding at basic tasks.
Nope, just kidding. Lol!
That weird moment when
You’re watching some late night crap
And think “I need that.”
Filed under Poems
Midlife Hammering
If I had a hammer
I’d hammer in the morning.
I’d hammer in the evening
All over this land.
I’d hammer for weeks
Until one week, without warning
I’d realize that my hammer
Was getting quite bland.
Then I’d sell my hammer
And buy a Mazerati.
I’d stay up in the evening
And buff it by hand.
I’d drive it to the movies
Until it got a door ding.
Then I’d sell it for a smart car
And maybe start a garage band.
Filed under Poems
Roadkill
Last night was so traumatic
That I need somewhere to vent,
For deep inside my heart
This feeling, up is pent.
I was driving home that evening
Behind a smart car, of all things,
Admiring the method
By which Shakira sings
When I saw the telltale glint
Of two curious green eyes,
And at once I knew the smart car
Was going faster than was wise.
Out leapt the eyes, and with them
Came the body of the cat.
There was quite the explosion
With blood and all of that.
And so I’ve seen the process
Of roadkill. Such dismay!
At least I take some comfort knowing
That at least the cat’s okay.
Filed under Poems
