Tag Archives: Stupid

April 2, 2016 · 4:08 pm

Small Dog, Big Mistake

I saw on my lawn, between the mounds

Of wood chips, a dog of 15 pounds.

It was white and fluffy and ugly as sin

And it was having its way with my newspaper bin.

So I snuck over and scooped him up.

Oh, you should have heard that pup!

He barked and wailed and growled and bit.

I knew no way to calm the…git

And so I took it to the pound

To hope the monster would be found.

The police met me at the door.

As I was cuffed, I asked “what for?”

I was arrested for my labors

For my lawn has no wood chips: ‘Twas my neighbor’s.

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April 1, 2016 · 9:05 pm

Ineffective Insults, Florida Edition

“Your mother is a gator

“And your sister smells like glue!”

I thought he’d be offended,

But he wasn’t ’cause it’s true.

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January 19, 2016 · 8:35 pm

Analogies Only Go So Far

Cooking bacon

Is like installing updates

On a computer

With too little RAM:

It’s seems to take hours

And it spits oil at you

All to make you get fatter,

But when it’s done… Dayum!

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November 24, 2015 · 6:26 pm

Full Moon

I heard yo’ mama’s missing.

Where she’s gone is rather dull.

Let’s just say the moon was hungry

But tonight the moon is full.

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November 9, 2015 · 8:00 pm

Big Things And Small

I gazed upon a whale

With a look of utter awe.

I was entranced by her tail

And enraptured by her maw.

I showed appreciation

By the way I eyed her,

And I told her I was grateful

That she was not a spider.

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September 23, 2015 · 6:17 pm

Research Paper

Wild chickens of the North;

Black and white, they sally forth.

Their wings are much akin to fins.

That much I know of penguins.

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September 15, 2015 · 1:29 pm

It made  a Great Commemorative Mug Shot

The sign said “no trespassing,”

But I did.

The police came driving up,

So I hid.

The cops found me out,

So I lied.

They sent me off to prison,

Where I reside.

They ask “would you do it again?”

I say “yes.”

Were I smarter, I wouldn’t be

In this mess,

Because next time at Nasa

My face

Won’t be in the hole for

“Take your picture in space.”

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September 9, 2015 · 4:58 pm

Zeus

Thunder in my stomach

And fire in my eyes;

When Zeus sayeth “bite me”

Obedience is not wise.

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August 25, 2015 · 2:45 pm

As Seen On Youtube

Have you ever been walking,

Not thinking at all,

When you look up

And in love you fall?

I almost did

At 10:30 today,

Except that stupid pole

Got in the way.

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March 7, 2015 · 10:05 am

Natural Selection

The eagle sat at the tiptop

Of a cedar tree, casually preening.

The raptor had no conception

Of how the awkward arbor was leaning.

The tree had spent many hours

Under the whip of the weather.

It gave in that day, but the eagle did stay,

Saying silently “just one more feather.”

That eagle dropped seventeen stories

Without even the thought to take wing,

So focused on ridding his feathers

Of that one ugly, hard-to-reach thing.

Thus died the last beautiful eagle

And the fashionable avian gene.

That’s why eagles today are so ugly,

And really don’t like to be seen.

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