When I throw eggs out the window
While on the motorway
Some jerks honk and curse at me.
That’s what I learned today.
Now if I hit you with an egg
You can honk if you want to
But I don’t mind ’cause either way
In the end the yolk’s on you.
Tag Archives: Stupid
Doing My Part To Spread Awareness
There aren’t enough poems
About the great Manta Ray,
A fact which remains true
After my poem today.
Filed under Poems
Write About What You Know
If I were a possum
Life would still be awesome.
If I were a kangaroo
Our love would still be true.
If other marsupials I knew
This poem would have another stanza or two.
Filed under Poems
Small Dog, Big Mistake
I saw on my lawn, between the mounds
Of wood chips, a dog of 15 pounds.
It was white and fluffy and ugly as sin
And it was having its way with my newspaper bin.
So I snuck over and scooped him up.
Oh, you should have heard that pup!
He barked and wailed and growled and bit.
I knew no way to calm the…git
And so I took it to the pound
To hope the monster would be found.
The police met me at the door.
As I was cuffed, I asked “what for?”
I was arrested for my labors
For my lawn has no wood chips: ‘Twas my neighbor’s.
Filed under Poems
Ineffective Insults, Florida Edition
“Your mother is a gator
“And your sister smells like glue!”
I thought he’d be offended,
But he wasn’t ’cause it’s true.
Filed under Poems
Analogies Only Go So Far
Cooking bacon
Is like installing updates
On a computer
With too little RAM:
It’s seems to take hours
And it spits oil at you
All to make you get fatter,
But when it’s done… Dayum!
Full Moon
I heard yo’ mama’s missing.
Where she’s gone is rather dull.
Let’s just say the moon was hungry
But tonight the moon is full.
Filed under Poems
Big Things And Small
I gazed upon a whale
With a look of utter awe.
I was entranced by her tail
And enraptured by her maw.
I showed appreciation
By the way I eyed her,
And I told her I was grateful
That she was not a spider.
Filed under Poems
Research Paper
Wild chickens of the North;
Black and white, they sally forth.
Their wings are much akin to fins.
That much I know of penguins.
Filed under Poems
It made a Great Commemorative Mug Shot
The sign said “no trespassing,”
But I did.
The police came driving up,
So I hid.
The cops found me out,
So I lied.
They sent me off to prison,
Where I reside.
They ask “would you do it again?”
I say “yes.”
Were I smarter, I wouldn’t be
In this mess,
Because next time at Nasa
My face
Won’t be in the hole for
“Take your picture in space.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 