“Can I be my own
“Anesthesiologist?”
“Sure, knock yourself out.”
Tag Archives: Travesty
Magic Mike or Fabulous Frank?
There once was a dancer whose thighs
Were of the most momentous size.
Picking up girls was easy
And he never seemed sleazy.
Alas, he was just into guys.
Filed under Poems
At Least They Earn Royalties For Their Likenesses From Tattoo Parlors
What if the dragons never died
But decided just to stay inside
And collect the unemployment gold
Until they’re all dried-up and old?
They’d love something to be working on
But the princess kidnapping jobs are gone
Thanks to the fall of monarchy
(The dragon version of ChatGPT?)
So instead the wyrms grow older still
With nothing inspiring a fiery kill.
Is that better than them being dead?
These are the thoughts that fill my head…
Filed under Poems
Modern Detox
If you’re in need of a business idea
I have a suggestion for you:
An apartment complex for people who want
To live like 1992.
The rent will be $500 a month
And the internet’s 10 sites or so,
Your neighbors are friendly, their kids play outside,
And Roseanne’s your favorite show.
A black Friday toaster is 25 cents
And so is a Big Mac with fries
And you can get Cracker Jack from Cracker Barrel
And it comes with an actual prize!
Phones have a wire, movies are physical
And they need to be rewound.
Nostalgia is hot. Spending money is not.
Does not this idea seem sound?
Filed under Poems
Gotta Earn That $25 Visa Gift Card Christmas Bonus!
‘Twas the night before Monday,
The holiday’s end,
And the workers had finished
Their Black Friday spend.
Their cars were all parked
With their windshields frosted
And bellies were bulging
From turkeys accosted.
When all of a sudden
There came such a clatter
And the bosses were shocked,
Asking what was the matter
That caused half the workers
To all call in sick.
Was it coincident timing
Or some type of trick?
So the managers dialed
A flurry of phones
And said, “Hey how are you”
In indifferent tones
Before they proceeded
With the meat of their call:
“You must come in tomorrow
“Or not come back at all.”
And so all the workers
With debt growing daily
Said “Sure, see you Monday”
While giggling gaily.
Then the bosses drove off
To their villas, inspired.
Merry Monday to all!
Get to work or you’re fired!
Filed under Poems
No One Ever Got Hurt Falling From Rock Bottom
You can’t assault the willing
Or rob the destitute.
You cannot kill the corpses
Or silence the already mute.
You can’t raze the fallen
Nor an existing travesty botch
So if you feel targeted
Maybe take it down a notch.
Black Friday Deals
There was an unwanted doodad
That everyone figured was bad
But just for today
We can send it your way
For 10% off. Aren’t you glad?
Filed under Poems
Enough Is Enough! (But I’m Having Seconds Anyway)
I’m looking forward to eating turkey
Until I’m comatose instead of perky
And the fact that in around seven days
There will come an end to the Black Fridays.
Filed under Poems
But There Is An “I” In “Heavy Sigh”
They say there’s no “I” in team
Which makes me want to scream
‘Cause there’s no “I” in “eye”
Nor in “aye”, “fly”, “guy”, “spy”,
So it’s not as mundane as would seem.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 