Last night I read the Bible
‘Cause I was just that bored.
Apparently, “No one whose testicles have been crushed
Or whose penis has been cut off
May be admitted into the company of the Lord.”
So when you settle differences
With fists, and feet as well,
Just remember, a kick to the balls
Is literally a ticket to Hell!
If you took the Bible
And replaced the words “Mommy, look!”
With “I like to eat babies”
You’d have the very same book.
The same can be said for “Croissant,”
And “Wherefore art thou Juliet.”
I find it quite surprising
No one’s written a thesis on this yet.
Every single second
Of every single day
You have the chance to change your life
And live a better way,
To turn off the autopilot
And let your thoughts run free,
To say goodbye to who you were
And welcome who you want to be.
Every single moment
In every person’s life
Comes with bits you wish would simply
Get impaled by a knife.
Sloth and greed and gluttony
Will leave you be, you’ll find,
If you toughen up and stab them
With the power of your mind.
You’re an amazing creature
Who can do amazing things.
You’re why the spider scurries
And you’re why the bluebird sings.
Your dreams can all be conquered
So show them you’re the dude!
Yours truly, God/Yweh.
Lol Jk you’re screwed!