Every night I go to sleep
After a simple prayer
When I recall the Star Wars sequels
And wish they weren’t there.
Every day when I awake
My wish was not obeyed,
But someday soon we’ll see a world
In which only six were made…
Tag Archives: Star Wars
Averted The Crisis Is. Used Common Sense We Did.
A long time ago,
In a galaxy far away
Some Jedi asked the federation
How much they’d have to pay
To get the robot army guys
To stop blocking Naboo.
They came to a reasonable compromise
And they never filmed episode two.
Filed under Poems
If Background Characters Mattered: Star Wars Edition
Of all the films that ever ended
Then were released in versions extended
The biggest scene these films still lack
Is the pivotal part in “The Empire Strikes Back”
Where Steve, the Bespin cleaning guy
Who fixes the vents of the city in the sky
Sees a disembodied hand somewhere
And decides “Eh, whatever. I don’t care.”
Moments later Steve just laughed
When he saw Luke fall down the bottomless shaft
Then picked up his check from Mr. Vader
And went back home to his giant crater.
Filed under Poems
Yeah… The Swooshing Noises Would Get Old Pretty Fast… WAIT! Noise Cancelling Laser Armor!
The Jedi Order’s been around
For many thousands of years
And made a lot of laser swords
They didn’t give their peers.
These laser swords cut anything
Except each other, it seems,
And they block laser guns and stuff
And red ones oft cause screams.
My question for the Jedi,
Who claim to be guardians of peace,
Is why they never thought to make
An armor made of these?
A suit of laser armor
That blocks all forms of harm
Would prevent a lot of Jedi who
So often lose an arm,
As well as making everyone
Invulnerable to violence.
The only downside I can see
Is that the world would no longer have silence…
Filed under Poems
Sir Alec Guinness, Ladies and Gents
There once was a guy named Obi
Whose surname was, weirdly, Kenobi.
Then this kid came along…
“Do you know Obi-Wan?”
And he was like “Of course I know me!”
—————————————————————
There once was a trooper, unnamed,
Who sought droids with data untamed,
But Obi’s like “Pu-lease!
“You ain’t looking for these.”
Only later trooper thought “I got gamed.”
—————————————————————
There one was a giant black guy
Who had a death star in the sky.
Obi met him one day
And was like “Ani! Hey!”
And then Obi-Wan’s like, “Guess I’ll die.”
Filed under Poems
Why They REALLY Monitor School Lunches
There once was a senator from Naboo
Who, of the Sith Order, knew.
One day he used the dark side,
Shot some lightning and died…
I guess he had a peanut allergy too!
Filed under Poems
Some Truths Are Harder To Accept
Roses are red.
The worst sport is soccer.
Biden’s the pres’
Just like Rey’s a Skywalker.
Filed under Poems
But What Was He Wearing? (Breathes Heavily)
Obi Wan Kenobi
Was arrested yesterday.
He force-pushed a clone trooper
Who had been in his way.
“In my defense, the trooper
“Was swearing as I recall,”
Said Obi Wan, the Jedi
Who made an obscene clone fall.
Filed under Poems
Star Wars Episode IX
The stormtrooper lands
In Nairobi, Kenya
And fires his blaster
Into the falling H2O.
The Jedi asks the trooper
“What was all that?”
And the trooper says
“I miss the rains down in Africa.”
*Roll Credits*
Filed under Poems
The Last Jedi’s Valentine
A dozen roses can show your love
If flowers are what your love adores
But if you send a Rose Tico
You might accidentally kill Star Wars.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 