Death hung up the phone
And looked upon the acres
Of tombstones,
Each of them for a deceased death,
Each of which also died
Minutes after receiving the same call.
From Chuck Norris:
“Ready for another try?”
But this time Chuck was ready
To pull an Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Death was just a means to an end…
Filed under Poems
Pooping is great!
Pooping is fun!
Just sit on the toulet
And ploop! You’re all done!
Or if you are male
And/or have a phone
Pooping can give you
An hour alone!
Filed under Poems
When people say “What would Jesus do?”
I take that to mean
That I should go underground
And for three days not be seen.
Filed under Poems
Meritocracy
Is what happens when you give
White kids scholarships.
Filed under Poems
If
You
Plan
Ahead, you
Can make anything
Look like a graph that
Extends dramatically at the end of the line.
Stats
Lie.
Filed under Poems
Play a little bit wrong
With a lottle bit of style
And the people gonna clap
And the judges gonna smile.
But if you play it perfectly
And accurately articulate
I hoping you enjoy standing
By the phone, where you’ll forever wait.
Filed under Poems
Have you ever had a character
In your favorite game or show
That you either would like to be
Or wish would forever go?
Well now you can fulfill your dream
Thanks to Fortnite! It’s a game
Where every IP of all time
Gets shot in the face the same.
Sign on and join a universe
Of people 13+
Who unironically use terms
Like “Sigma”, “Bussin”, and “Sus”.
There you can play any game
While dressed as anyone
And after your kid tells you how to play
You might even have fun!
Only one can win each round
Out of a hundred players
But if you’re bad, don’t be so sad!
Play again and avoid your slayers.
Claim victory or somehow blow it
Until you see someone
Dressed as a certain terrible poet
Chasing you with a gun.
Filed under Poems
Not quite next year yet…
Losing weight is easier
When you start out fat…
Filed under Poems
Kids think school is really neat.
It’s all the crayons you can eat
And lots of friends to boss around
‘Til you weigh more than fifty pounds.
After that school isn’t great.
You’re teased for all the crayons you ate
By bigger kids with smaller brains
And many fewer choochoo trains.
If school stuck to its “pre” version
It would enhance student immersion.
Alas, they think we have to learn
And that’s why I will not return.
Filed under Poems
My wife has a disease
Where her nose is really oozy,
Her muscles ache, she’s sneezy,
And occasionally woozy.
She sleeps a lot and burps a lot
And makes a sound like “schplurk”.
I’m going to kiss her on the mouth
Then take some time off work.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 