A Ferrari costs 301,000 dollars.
A fleece blanket costs $4.99.
So would you trade 400 horsepower
For blissful fuzz ’til the year 62339?
Tag Archives: Truth
When She Says “Don’t Kill The Spider… Just Take It Outside”
After the date, I told her
“I want to see you
“As often as I see
“Google search, page 2”
A Six-Figure Sense Of Humor
She offered me a sandwich
And I said “Thank you dear.”
She sighed and asked “What would you do
“If I were to disappear?”
I said “I’d eat steak every day
“And be left with much more money.”
She scowled, so I bought her jewelry
And now she thinks I’m funny.
Filed under Poems
Watching the Debates
What you need to know about ducks
Is not as important as the fact
That every day a million fish
Are, by some birds, attacked.
Those fish cannot defend themselves
Against these violent birds
And it’s time for us to take a stand
And learn to use our words.
When I held political office
In a non-avian related capacity
I realized that my constituents
Viewed me as a guy with some sagacity.
Because of that, I make my case
That fish deserve love too
So vote for me in 2020
And also ducks. Thank you!
Filed under Poems
We’re All In The Mood For A Melody (And You Know The Rest)
“I’ve got a song for you Billy,”
The executive told Mr. Joel.
“It’s a song for the sad, lonely everyman
“And the pianist has a prominent role.”
“Sounds pretty fly,” Mr. Joel said,
“And I have but one simple request:
“I think we’ll have one short piano bit
“And let harmonica guy do the rest.”
Filed under Poems
How To Double The Size Of Your Congregation With OnePoem
The first layer of Hell is full
Of normal people. It is musty.
In the second layer are gluttons,
The slothful and the lusty.
The third layer’s for murderers,
And it smells like rotting poop.
Everyone else goes to the deepest layer
Where they play Taylor Swift on an infinite loop.
Filed under Poems
How To Choose A Favorite Sports Team
If their best player’s white
You’re not doing it right.
Filed under Poems
Vaping
I said “People love dying of cancer
“And stinky electrical stuff.
“Why don’t we combine them?”
Then the corporations called my bluff.
Filed under Poems
NASCAR as a Political Metaphor
The Right
NASCAR is America’s favorite sport,
And know I think I know why:
They keep turning left over and over
Until they crash, burn, and die.
———————————————————–
The Left
NASCAR is America’s sport,
But the first guy does not understand:
If the drivers do not turn left fast enough
The kill random folks in the stands.
————————————————————
The Highly Intelligent
NASCAR is America’s sport,
But I prefer monster trucks.
At least we agree on the important stuff,
Which is to agree soccer sucks.
Filed under Poems
Starting A Band
Jimmy is our drummer
And Johnny plays guitar
And Danny knows a guy
Who knows a guy who owns a bar.
Eddy is our singer
And our charismatic face.
When we get to the venue
We’ll teach someone to play the bass.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 