Someone put Mayo on my lucky charms.
These pranks have to stop!
How am I supposed to taste my Sriracha
Through all that eggy glop?
Tag Archives: Weird
The Good Life
You haven’t bought an ostrich
For several months at least,
Nor have you cooked a lemon
In chestnuts, corks, or yeast.
You’ve never thrown a hand grenade
At some Windex in L.A.
So quit telling me you’re bored
And please just go away.
Life On A Farm
My brother-in-law
Thinks poultry are sultry.
My other bro’s honey’s a bee.
I’m the traditional guy in the family:
Nothing but cousins for me!
Filed under Poems
What Would You Have Done?
My cat ate my fish,
Then my dog ate my cat,
Then my puma ate my dog
So I bought a pet gnat.
It’s The Small Details
When I drink my morning coffee
I think about my wife,
And how the two of them together
Give me such a perfect life.
And when I drink my evening coffee
And I lie awake at night
I know neither one has chest hair,
And that makes me feel all right.
Filed under Poems
Wizard Chow
Bacon-and-egg-flavored cereal
And a glass of milk-flavored water.
That’s the last time I have breakfast
With a tipsy Harry Potter.
Pockets of Society
In her pockets
Are red lipstick,
A makeup mirror,
And a guitar pick.
She’s got a swiss army knife,
A wilted daisy petal,
And an mp3 player
Full of heavy metal.
My pockets used to hold
Similar stuff
‘Til I gave up on pants.
Now I live in the buff.
Filed under Poems
The Love Pretzel
I was once in love,
A simple kind of joy
That occurred exclusively
Between a girl and boy.
Then another woman
Caught my vagrant eye,
And a triangle evolved
From what once was you and I.
But you had strayed as well,
And our love became a square.
I knew this would be easier
If we would clear the air.
As it so happened I fell in love
With only my original,
While you loved all three other corners
Although it was conditional,
And our other pair both fell in love
With us and with each other,
And I find we all are desired
By none other than my mother.
And thus my air-clearing venture
Cleared things up a lot
For it revealed our love pretzel,
Alexander’s loving knot.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 