Tag Archives: America

July 4, 2021 · 11:40 am

Independence

Today we set off tiny bombs

And cook our meat outside

To celebrate the freedom

That we’re missing nationwide.

We sing about a starry flag

And amber waves of grain

While people we dislike like tell us

To proudly wear a chain.

The news stops all-day coverage

Of outrage today to share:

“Our founding fathers owned some slaves

And why we ought to care.“

We are still the people

Who are governed with consent;

It is what the founding fathers wrote

And it is what they meant.

So as I celebrate the flag

And eat my apple pie

I’m thankful I still own myself;

I will live free or die.

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June 18, 2021 · 10:15 am

How To Get Federal Unemployment Benefits

When I said “I like my coffee

“Like my women: Sweet and black.”

My coworker decided

That was a personal attack.

She called the supervisor

Just to say she was offended

And just like that I found I was,

Like Epstein’s neck, suspended.

But now my luck has turned around

And I see that I’m blessed.

I can’t be an oppressor

If I am, in fact, oppressed.

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June 11, 2021 · 2:00 pm

Why The White House Has Five Full-Time Chefs

I shouldn’t be the president

Because when I want a snack

I go to a take out restaraunt

And microwave it when I get back.

At first that won’t seem dangerous

Until my words are these:

“I’m feeling kinda hungry… hey!

“Why not nuke some Chinese?”

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June 7, 2021 · 5:20 pm

It’s Not In Their Nature

If you toss a baby bird in water

It will probably die.

If you toss a fish from a nest

It will not learn to fly.

If you’re nice to someone rude

They’ll likely stay a jerk,

Yet the government employs people

And thinks that they will work?

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May 25, 2021 · 7:40 pm

Social Development Marches On

Once upon a time

A guy decided, “Hey

“What if I called people who

“I don’t agree with ‘Gay?'”

Everybody went along

Until a recent date

When some guy said, “What if instead

“We called bad people ‘Straight?'”

Then a third guy spoke his mind:

“Why not just disagree

“While still speaking with respect

“For our adversary?”

Guy one looked at guy two

And guy two said “Lol… gay!”

Then they lynched the third guy

And all conflict went away.

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May 24, 2021 · 5:34 pm

Guest Poem by Katy Ivers

Two Types of Folks Down at the Creek

Saturday’s our day down at the creek

After working one bleak workweek

You wanna catch a trout,

We wanna bash about.

You want some peace,

We want the po-lice.

You wanna photograph a deer

We wanna drink a case o’ beer… Each

You wanna stay in the country all night long

We wanna party worthy of a country song

Feel Inspired to share your own terrible poetry? Email nominations for guest poems to TheDailyTravesty@yahoo.com

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May 23, 2021 · 10:24 pm

But Seriously…

At 10:22 in the morning

I think of naught but bliss,

But at 10:22 PM

I think of stuff like this:

If the number of pedophiles goes up

And so do most kids’ weight

I wonder why we haven’t seen

More strong people of late?

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May 20, 2021 · 1:07 pm

Yet Another Example Of Racism In The Public Schools

Timmy and Betty drew pictures

And Timmy got an A

But teacher said to Betty

“Your picture’s not ok.”

Both drew their self portraits

But one was not alright;

Timmy used a black marker

But Betty’s pen was white.

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May 18, 2021 · 4:26 pm

When The Blue Car And The Red Car Are Both Racing Towards The Cliff But You Still Want Your Favorite Color To Win

If we elected a white guy

And he gave cash to everyone white

Most people would agree

That doesn’t seem morally right.

If we elected a black guy

To give cash to everyone black

Society would probably feel

Like their freedom was under attack.

If we elected a woman

Who gave money to everyone female

You can bet she’d receive

Her fair share of nasty email.

And yet we elected some rich guy

Who says “Rich folks aren’t taxed enough yet”

And then all the rich guys get richer

And nobody’s even upset?

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May 12, 2021 · 7:25 pm

Remember 2009? Good Times!

It’s been 6 months since Trump got out

And despite the recent talks

Of hyperinflation, unemployment,

A border crisis, plunging stocks,

A gas pipeline disaster,

Covid deaths yet unabated,

And all the buildings burnt to ash

By those who “demonstrated”

We can all be thankful

That our country’s back on track.

In other news: Pot charged with hate speech

For calling Kettle black.

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