Tag Archives: Bad

Alohahaha

If I take off my Hawaiian shirt

You may think I intend to flirt

But when the Hawaiian pants come off…

Hey, wait a sec! Did you just scoff?

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Talent Shows

Bands will play their marches

And choirs sing their hymns

And jazzers swing their two-five-ones

And rockers take their stims

And orchestras will pizzicato

While dancers strike a pose

But what you just did on that stage

Managed to be none of those…

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The Parabola Is Beginning Its Descent…

In 1999 the Matrix took the red pill.

In 2012, the Avengers were assembled.

In 2025 we’ll get the fifth Fantastic Four.

And now you understand just why I trembled.

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Road Trip With The Toddler

I am a goose

I like to honk

I am a goose

I like to honk

I am a goose

I like to honk honk honk

I am a mom

I want to die

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Looking Forward To The Olympics

Americans love their football teams.

Canadians love their hockey.

Mexicans are the cross country champs.

In China it’s boxing (Not like Rocky).

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Meanwhile, Google’s AI Says…

If I had a nickel

For every commercial starring a white guy

I would have as much money

As the black people who aren’t in ads.

—————————————————————

Violets are black.

Roses are black.

Criminals are racially diverse

So cut me some slack.

—————————————————————

Sure, the future isn’t white

But don’t you worry! It’s alright!

Europe’s long past its golden days

And no one likes swimming anyways.

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What Boomers And Gen Z Agree On

I paid a lot of money

To see Bingo balls go “whir”

At the place I lost my savings

And the waitress called me “sir”.

It’s worth it for the privilege

Of putting five things in a line

And laughing with the others when

They call “I 69”.

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The Tide Pod Song

When I turn on my television

I see a world of superstition

Where our leaders act like children,

Have a cow.

Meanwhile, the kids can’t read or write

And I stay awake at night

And think “That Tide Pod’s looking pretty tasty now.”

We used to run through flowery meadows

But now the news says they’re full of pedos.

There hasn’t been a film worth watching for a year.

Now I could watch Star Wars again

Or read a book or try some zen

But I’m leaning towards a Tide Pod and a beer.

You can’t see the stars at night;

We’re devoid of light delights.

It’s the darkest season most of us have faced.

But the laundry in the dryer

Caused another forest fire

And we can’t let all that detergent go to waste…

I guess life ain’t all that bleak

Just cause girls are men and men are weak

And our food and water cause infertility.

Let’s count our blessings, me and you:

I’ll say “one”, and you say “two”,

Then have some denatorium benzoate with me.

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This Is My New Favorite Synonym For Buttcrack

I looked at the thong and what it covered

(Or more of what it didn’t hide).

I saw that arcing crack and had to ask

The most pressing question: “Butt Y?”

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“Hey Guys! What If We Hijack The Playoffs And Pretend It’s A Cool Innovation Instead Of A Paywall? I Bet Nobody Will Cancel Their Subscription The Day After.” -Some Peacock Exec, Probably

There once was a streaming station

Who aired a playoff game to the nation.

The broadcast was bad

And no one will be sad

If the ratings show as “Devastation.”

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