Tag Archives: Bad


I told my family that I’m gay.

They said “No problem, that’s okay.”

I told them next that I do drugs.

They said “Let us give you hugs.”

I said I like to eat poo.

They said “We’re always here for you.”

I told them I voted for Trump.

They said “Kill yourself you nazi asshole.”


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Dear Snowflakes…

If the words of a total stranger

Can cause great offense to you

Then I have just one thing to say

And that is whoop-dee-doo.

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Breaking Up, 2019 Style

Like a printed photo album,

A collection of CDs,

The World Book Encyclopedia

Or watching things live on TV,

Like “Internet Explorer”

Or a brick-and-mortar store

Or carrying dimes to make a phone call

I don’t need you anymore.

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Oh Sheet…

I started a band where we’d play

Stuff other folks played first. OK?

Then I did discover

Such a band’s called a Cover,

And thus I named our band “Duvet.”

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A Poet Has Needs

One thing about which I’m keen is

To write a bad poem about Venus.

That’s not really true…

I just wanted to

Justify ending a poem with “penis.”


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What’s A Synonym For Thesaurus?

Within the next 26.07 fortnights

My predominant aspiration

Is to perpetuate the convention

Of heightened lexicon inflation.

Be not perturbed if reading this

Is an arduous endeavor:

Aspirations are ephemeral whilst

Prose-prevarication is forever.


Next year my goal

Is to learn new words

But I’m also lazy

And learning’s for the birds.


Me like words with lotsa letter

But me like to sleep-in better.

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Hear Hear!

Here’s to the year

That’s drawing near

(Or, depending when you read this,

Is already here),

I year where the queer

Have no need to fear,

Where we can steer clear

Of those who would sneer

And our get-in-shape goals

Can go get back in gear.

May your pain disappear

In the upcoming year

And if you partook of beer

Of deer may you steer clear.

I hope that my well wishes

Have thus been made clear

For this poem, readers dear,

You will find endeth here.

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