Tag Archives: Bad

The Last Jedi’s Valentine

A dozen roses can show your love

If flowers are what your love adores

But if you send a Rose Tico

You might accidentally kill Star Wars.

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Guest Poem By Michael Bay

There once was a musclebound maverick

Who lived on a houseboat back east

Whose hobby was arm-wrestling pythons

And whose fingers’ tattoos spelled out “B.E.A.S.T.”

A menace that threatened America

Made the president call him to arms.

Then there was a gratuitous explosion

And a lot of red flashing alarms.

So Maverick emerged from retirement,

Shook hands with some buddies from ‘Nam

Then one more gratuitous explosion

This time from a nuclear bomb.

A scantily clad 20-something

Kissed Maverick and gave him a knife

After which he confronted the menace,

There was a gratuitous explosion…

Thus endeth the big bad guy’s life.

Somewhere in there’s a Bugatti

And a shirtless training montage.

You might think this doesn’t make sense,

Thus explosions and décolletage.

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Sincerely, God

There’s a billion folks in poverty.

A billion more are sick.

Every day a million innocents

Will fall for dirty tricks.

Homeless folks are freezing

And millions have no food

But you made a cross at halftime

So I’ve got you, football dude!

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If I’d Written This Ten Years Ago I’d Be A Prophet

As Booth did to Lincoln

And school did to fun

I fear that to music

Will quite soon be done.

If you flip the radio

(Or whichever app’s in now)

You’ll find to enunciate

Is practically sin now.

To play any chords

Besides 1, 5, 6, and 4

Makes the average listener

Call such songs a snore

And no matter the genre

You will find bits of rap.

Yes I fear that all music

Will soon become crap.

Is there a solution

To pop music’s decline?

If so, leave a comment.

If not, I’ll just whine.

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[(e^ x pi)^2] x 32/8 Poems About Stephen Hawking

He inspired T-Pain’s voice

And Kristen Stewart’s face.

He inspired the customer service line

For JPMorgan Chase.

He’s inspired Chuck Norris’s costars

And how my face looks when I kiss.

He inspired Kaepernick’s anthem quote:

“I will not stand for this.”

——————————————————–

Stephen Hawking read a book

About how to improve his look.

A little rouge and some eyeliner…

He was a brief history of sublimer!

——————————————————–

If Stephen Hawking gained some weight

And higher mass increases gravitational pull

Would fat Stephen Hawking be more attractive?

(And you thought physics was dull)!

——————————————————–

Stephen Hawking lit himself on fire

To experience how burning feels.

He gained a greater understanding

And a new nickname: Hot Wheels

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Gender Studies Major Seeking Employment

My IQ is 99.

My height is five-foot-three.

My GPA was 1.8

When I earned my PhD.

I’m not a total nincompoop,

Just a little slow.

If you ever need a nincompee

I’m free. Just let me know!

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Storytelling, PhD Style

Once upon a time

There was a noncommittal grunt

That lurked within the throat

Of a rather stuck up… woman.

One day it emerged

And then vanished into thin air.

There’s some backstory and lore as well

But I figure you don’t care.

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