Tag Archives: Bad

Music and Lyrics

I heard some kids sing “Old McDonald”

Singing “With a moo moo here and a moo moo there,

“Here a moo, there a moo, everywhere a moo moo.”

Then I turned on the radio

And heard a 41-year-old sing

“Who rules the world? Girls.

“Who rules the world? Girls.

“Who rules the world? Girls.

“Who rules the world? Girls.”

Children deserve more respect.

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This Poem Is Probably Racist And Hates Short People

Last night I wrote a lot.

Tonight I wrote much not.

The kettle is black and so is the pot.

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My Bedtime Is At 8:00… Cut Me Some Slack

There once was a birthday party

That started at 6:30

It went a long time,

Which makes it hard to rhyme

Which is why “30” is now pronounced “tharty”.

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Sick Day Haiku

I am sick tonight

Full of aches and pains and snot…

But the bat tastes good!

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Christmas Music After They Take Jesus Out

You know Penis and Meatstick, Schlong, Dong, and ManPalace,

Manparts, “The Ramparts,” and Weiner and Phallus,

But do you recall

The most famous Mickey of all?

Mickey the big-dick Reindeer

Had a very shiny body part

And if you go deep enough on Google

You can probably find fan art. (Please don’t try this!)

All of the other reindeer

Used to laugh, except the does.

They just avoided contact

To not be labelled ho-ho-hoes.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve

Santa came to say…

“Mickey, the elves started an insurrection.

I have need of your balls and weighty erection.”

Then how the laughter halted

As they watched the rebels flee.

“We’re sorry for feeling threatened

By your girthy masculinity!”

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It asked me for my password;

I entered happyfreebird.

It said I needed a capital;

I wrote happyfreebirdL.

It said you need a number too;

I wrote happyfreebirdL2.

It said your password is weak and so is your bloodline, your identity will be stolen and you’ll deserve it you basic, filthy fleshbag;

I wrote gibberish because I’m just going to click “Forgot my password” anyway.

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Car Insurance And Corporate Suckupishness: A Modern Masterpiece Of Poetical Ingenuity

There once was a certifiable psycho

Who didn’t want to save money with Geico.

He was a horrible git

And that’s about it

And if Geico gives me a sponsorship because I emphasized their brand message, then me like-o.

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Because “You’re Beautiful Just The Way You Are, And The Right Man Will Love You Forever” Is A Bigoted, Misogynist Message

Pixie dust and fairy farts,

Princess hair and fey Walmarts:

Some came from a movie I loved as a kid.

The others are movies that Disney just did.

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Relationship Advice

If you want to impress a woman

Ask “Will you be my girlfrien?”

She’ll say no, because you forgot the “d”.

Then you grin at her

And say “You’ll get the ‘d’ later”

Then you can say “thank you” to me.

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Halloween Eve And Christmas Eve Are Not The Same

Tomorrow we’ll dress up

And take candy from strangers

Then listen to music

About Santa and mangers

But tonight we’ll eat ice cream

And go to Ikea

And buy toilet paper

For Tuesday’s diarrhea.

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