Tag Archives: Books

Inner City Nursery Rhymes

“Red umbrella on a bench

Next to homeless guy with stench.

Kinda wrinkly, slightly damp

Are both umbrella and the tramp.

They’ve been friends since ’98

When he bought it, as if by fate.

Together they’ve been through a lot.

They’ve weathered storms, bickered, and fought.

The hobo and umbrella pair

Possess a sense of laissez-faire.

It seems for them that things look up

As they count coins in their half-full cup.

Then they lynch a passerby;

Umbrella stabs him in the eye.”

This is why you should always look

Before you buy a children’s book!

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Feed Me!

Hello dear readers!

I’m here to announce

A new opportunity

On which you may pounce:

My latest collection

Of poetical stuff

Is now featured on Amazon

As purchasable fluff.

The link is below

If you care to explore.

If you buy it I may

Be able to go to the store

And put food on the table

(Or just eat food in bed).

You know what to do.

Thanks to all! Thus, I’m fled.

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Limited Time Opportunity, Depending On How Lazy I Am This Week

So as ye loyal readers

Saw yesterday, the first

Copy of my newest book

(And probably the worst)

Arrived for me

To proofread and add

A few more poems

That are suitably bad.

Now I’m a lazy person,

Of which I’m often proud,

And it may take me a while

To proof the book as I’ve avowed,

So if you have a topic

You would like a poem about

I’ve got some comments down below

In which you can give a shout.

So if you have a favorite

From the blog or in your head,

Or you’d prefer a poem

That’s original instead

Please share the information

And hey! What do you know?

A poem about barracuda urology

Might just get published, yo!

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Announcing: Tepid Gruel!

Hello readers! Today I’m excited to announce my next book, “Tepid Gruel and other short poems you probably shouldn’t read but will because you’re already looking at this book so, hey, why not?”

Below is the title poem from the book. I hope you enjoy because I’m proud and excited to share it with you and also because I’m very poor and want you to buy the book when it comes out. 🙂



I’m launching a new cologne line

I think is pretty cool

Inspired by the “adequate.”

I call it “Tepid Gruel.”

It smells like tap water, limp white bread,

And past-its-prime shampoo.

It makes a statement, as if to say

“I’m alright… how are you?”

Critics are calling it “fine, I guess,”

“Non-threateningly bland,”

“An understudy’s ideal scent,”

“Inconsequential, thus not panned.”

So if you’re worried you might be liked

Or noticed in a way

Be sure to spritz on some Tepid Gruel

Before you start your day!

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Launch, Pt. 1

Good morning to most of my readers!

Good afternoon to the few!

It’s a beautiful day in travesty land,

And I’m going to share it with you.

Today, I launch my book, “America:

“Land of the (Buy One, Get One) Free.”

For those who accepted my promotion,

You’ll soon get a free gift from me.

Here’s a link to the finished product,

Where you can get in in time

For your Fourth of July celebration

And at very minimal dime.

And for my non-American readers,

Thanks for putting up with this post.

You should buy the book too, ’cause it’s funny.

(It’s the truth, not merely a boast).

And for those lovely readers of mine

Who just come here for the funny,

Today’s poem is coming after I am through humming

And hopping around like a bunny.

https://www.createspace.com/5538918

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The Shameless Plug

Although at first glance

He was a ball of hair,

And like “Sex, Lies, and Poetry

He had an unapologetic air.

The hairball plugged my shower

And made the water stay

Like laughter at a poetry book

Or homeless guys at a KOA.

The shameless plug held water

So I was forced to buy Drano.

It cost me almost $5.99.

What a fantastic low price! Whoa!

So now my shower drains just fine.

The shameless plug has fled.

Now I’m happy and clean, and my only wish

Is to read some funny poems in bed.

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The Tome of the Sidekick

I’ve never conquered evil
But I’ve beaten “pretty bad.”
I haven’t done the impossible
But I’ve done what no one had.

My heroic feats are little more
Than a big, unwelcome task,
So I don’t deserve a novel,
But is a pamphlet too much to ask?

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