His heart was as big as a pop-up ad
On a movie you watch on your phone.
His mind was as big as the X in the corner
That tells it to leave you alone.
Tag Archives: Friends
When Friends Need To Vent
If you feel empty inside
Just take away the “E”
And you can feel mpty instead.
Or, alternatively
Take away the “Y”
And feel emp-t (and misled).
If you take away
The “E,” “P,” and “Y”
You feel mt, and that’s fine.
But if you say nothing
Your words won’t be empty
And we won’t have to hear you whine.
Filed under Poems
Stallion Of The Sea!
A mermaid’s on my back
And another is in my jaws.
One appreciates my service
And the other sees my flaws.
My coat is warm and fluffy
And made of tiny molars.
I’m a great white horseshark
And my virtues have many extollers.
My mane is made of dreams
And my tail’s made of kelp
And if you could speak underwater
My presence would make you call for help.
I can smell blood from miles away.
I can run and jump and swim
But you prefer me to your boyfriend
‘Cause I understand you better than him.
Let’s go for a ride
And munch on a whale.
Who needs horseshoes
Or a boat to sail?
Yes, we can be friends,
Omnivorous kin.
But if you hate me I don’t mind.
I’ve got very thick skin.
Filed under Poems
Inner City Nursery Rhymes
“Red umbrella on a bench
Next to homeless guy with stench.
Kinda wrinkly, slightly damp
Are both umbrella and the tramp.
They’ve been friends since ’98
When he bought it, as if by fate.
Together they’ve been through a lot.
They’ve weathered storms, bickered, and fought.
The hobo and umbrella pair
Possess a sense of laissez-faire.
It seems for them that things look up
As they count coins in their half-full cup.
Then they lynch a passerby;
Umbrella stabs him in the eye.”
This is why you should always look
Before you buy a children’s book!
Filed under Poems
You’ve Got A Friend?
When I’m in your presence
I’m not sure how I feel,
Like my body’s made of clouds,
Like I’m not even real.
When other folks look my way
It’s like they see right through me,
But I know when I meet your eyes
I’m all you want to see.
I may doubt my own existence
And you do too, maybe,
But know whatever happens
You’ve got an imaginary friend in me.
Filed under Poems
Now That’s Friendship!
If you like to stay at home
Though you’ve got nothing to do,
You’re thrilled when an appointment
Gets canceled out of the blue,
If reading makes you happy
And parties make you pout
Then you and I should be best friends
And never once hang out.
Game of War?
I’ll pay ten dollars
For a movie ticket,
Five bucks to see
A game of cricket,
A hundred to Scuba
And get the bends.
Why won’t I pay three
To have no ads on Words with Friends?
The Daily Travesty 