I want to open an amusement park
That’s a bunch of fire pits
And comfy private toilets
For comfy private shits
Where men can sit in silence
And stare into the void.
It’d be the happiest place on earth
‘Til some white chick gets annoyed.
Tag Archives: Fire
Ode To A Fireplace
Fire, fire, in the place,
Chase the cold from limbs and face,
Make my body warm, and keep
My mind at ease so I may sleep.
Do not from the hearth go venture
Or your name I’ll surely censure
As I, with woe, seek to smother
You, the fire I once did mother,
For if you wander to and fro
Up in you my house will go
And I will be unhoused and blue
Because, dear fire, of the antics of you.
Thus I, my fiery friend, entreat:
Don’t aspire to more than heat
A home. Restrain your conflagration
And we’ll share a heartfelt celebration.
Filed under Poems
House Party
Two tiny dancing flames,
Twin wicks of a pink candle
That smells like the ocean,
Flickering, twisting,
Casting their glow on the ceiling,
Inspiring the curtains to surrender
And burst into their own dancing flames.
Soon the carpet dances
And the furniture and the lawn.
A pretty red truck arrives,
Singing a merry two-note song
And the men from the calendar
Let water join the festivity.
Somewhere nearby, a cat
Sits in a tree, unrescued
While the humans are upset
And the flames cherish the day,
Their last and finest,
Until the next little candle hosts a ball.
Playing With Fire
I’ve noticed as of late
Fortune seems to elude me,
Like the time I struck a match
And the match just up and sued me!
——————————————————–
I said “Dad, go long!”
He was twenty yards away
When I lit the fuse…
——————————————————–
God made wood flammable
Some time after day seven.
He made it burn with chemicals;
‘Twas a match made in Heaven.
Filed under Poems
One Hot Lady
Like oil in a lamp
Your body casts light
On those huddled around you
In the heart of the night.
Made brave by your radiance
We shall never tire,
But I still wonder why
Someone set you on fire…
Filed under Poems
Matchmaker
You’d think that I
The matchmaker
Would find a lovely wife.
Alas, somehow
I’m lonely still,
But making fires is no strife.
Filed under Poems
Updating the Fire Code
Yellow tape around the mound
That used to be a house.
Not a creature stirs there anymore,
Not even my pet mouse.
I know it was an accident,
But it must not happen anymore.
I move to outlaw chimney climbing.
Santa will have to use the door.
The Daily Travesty 