I know you want me to sing you a song
‘Cause you’re feeling okey-dokey.
But I don’t sing. I’m the Piano Man.
Why don’t y’all go and sing Karaoke?
Tag Archives: Humor
A Good Year… So Far
I’ve exercised every day so far!
I’ve been a better lay so far!
I’ve eaten healthy food so far!
I haven’t even been rude so far!
I’ve been cheerful, smart, and nice so far,
And only been driven to kill some jerk who’s not as fit, healthy, sexy, and friendly as me twice…
So far.
Filed under Poems
Domestic Departure
Her skin smells of home
Like a freshly-cooked meal.
Her hair gleams in the sun.
Like a newly mopped floor.
Her eyes are as blue
As just-cleaned toilet water.
Too bad she doesn’t
Live here anymore.
Filed under Poems
Better Travesties – Next Time
Next year I resolve
Not to write these dumb haikus.
Glad it’s still this year!
Filed under Poems
“Resolutions,” by M. Night Shyamalan
I resolve in 2016
To become a manly man,
To give compliments to strangers
And save money when I can.
But what I haven’t told you
Is I lure strangers to my house
And spend their money instead of mine,
And, oh yeah! I’m a mouse.
Filed under Poems
This Bugs Me
A solid block of milk
Hits a grown up caterpillar
Who bursts into tears.
The butter flies,
The moth bawls.
Filed under Poems
The Last “I’m Tired and I Don’t Care Anymore” Poem of 2015 (I Hope)
I’vr* written a lot of bad poems this year,
And this one may be the worst.
It might be good. It might be bad.
I wrote the title first.
*I did notice this typo.
As is my nature, I fixed it.
Then I decidrd** it fit with the theme.
As for my correction… I nixed it.
**This one was completely intentional. Sue me.***
***If you seriously considered this, keep in mind Poetry is a major portion of my income.
Filed under Poems
Love in the Time of Gigabytes
I wish that we were pixels
Brought to life by LED.
I wish that ones and zeroes
Were all there was to you and me.
I wish we could reload our save
Whenever we had a fight,
But instead we’ve got reality
To see us through the night.
Our lives would sure be simpler
If the internet had a guide
To tell us what we need to share
And what we need to hide.
We’d get along much better
If you could simply pay
To get extra relationship points…
Oh wait, that’s Valentine’s Day…
I wish that we were perfect.
If I could make it so, I would.
I’m not perfect, nor are you,
But I’m content with good.
Yes, life would be simpler
As little dots of light,
But instead we’ve got reality
And with you, that’s quite alright.
They’re gone until Thanksgiving!
It’s the first day of
It’s the hap, happiest season:
Eleven months without carols.
That is my reason.
Filed under Poems
How Many Of Us?
Christmas day
Is almost past.
The next Christmas song
Could be the last.
Santa’s unpacked
His magic sleigh,
Yet the in-laws
Still won’t go away…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 