Tag Archives: Hair

Hirsute, But Not Her Suitable

There once was a man from St. Mary

Who’d be merry to marry Merry Mary.

Merry Mary, however,

Did forthrightly endeavor

Never ever to wed one so hairy.

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She had wavy golden hair

That fell below her knees

The color of the summer sun

And lighter than a breeze.

She cut it when we married,

Though it was at my behest:

The hair would have been lovely

If it weren’t on her chest.

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And Then They Hear “Hee, Hee, Hee” And Start Screaming About Representation For Other Pronouns In The Onomatopoeia Of Laughter

California made it illegal

To discriminate based on hairstyle.

This is one of the greatest things

I’ve heard in quite a while

Because, based on liberal input,

I know that all white people are racist

And I’ve developed the ultimate strategy

For cutting my hair on that basis:

It’s illegal to bias one’s choices

For traditional hairstyles of race

Like cornrows or dreadlocks or afros

And because this is the case

I can shave my head to spell letters,

Specifically “I disagree.”

Now watch as the left calls me Hitler

And I just say “Hee, hee, hee.”

Dedicated to Helen, My Evil Stepsister 🙂

Want to suggest a poem topic? Leave a comment or email thedailytravesty@yahoo.com

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Pilots vs. Hairdressers

Air show! Air show!

Lots of planes,

Tons of balls,

Questionable brains.

Hair show! Hair show!

Fewer planes,

Fewer balls,

The brain thing’s the same.

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All Mips Are Mops, and Some Moos are Maps…

The squeaky wheel gets the grease:

If we know this is real

Then I can logically conclude

My hair is a squeaky wheel.

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Inside The Box

Trent had spiky auburn hair
Which was never out of place.
Wendell’s hair was a dangly mess
That covered up his face.

Both applied at Microsoft,
But neither got the job.
They lost it to a hairless guy
Whose name, they thought, was Bob.

So both the men, despairing,
Did shave their separate locks,
For to get employment
They needed to think inside the box.

Trent and Wendell reapplied
And once again they were denied,
For most folks care what’s in your head,
Not on it. Or so to believe I’m led.

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A Bald-Faced Truth

I needed a haircut and a shave
But was cash supply was small.
I thought I had a solution
When I visited the mall.

Eleven dollars later
I found proof that I was wrong
Because, while most of my hair was no longer there,
What was left was way too long.

And so I swore off barbers,
And I bought a bottle of Nair.
I’d save time and dignity
If I needn’t concern myself with hair.

That is how I got this dome
Where no hair can call a home.

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Two Hairy Poems

I can curl your locks,
Give you mohawks,
A buzz cut, bowl, or mullet.
But when I see your hair
What I really care
To do is grab and pull it.

Though long and lustrous
Is your hair
I have no envy.
I just don’t care.
I am not jealous
Of your locks,
But I dearly wish
I had your buttocks.

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