There once was a man from St. Mary
Who’d be merry to marry Merry Mary.
Merry Mary, however,
Did forthrightly endeavor
Never ever to wed one so hairy.
Tag Archives: Hair
Sacrifice
She had wavy golden hair
That fell below her knees
The color of the summer sun
And lighter than a breeze.
She cut it when we married,
Though it was at my behest:
The hair would have been lovely
If it weren’t on her chest.
Filed under Poems
And Then They Hear “Hee, Hee, Hee” And Start Screaming About Representation For Other Pronouns In The Onomatopoeia Of Laughter
California made it illegal
To discriminate based on hairstyle.
This is one of the greatest things
I’ve heard in quite a while
Because, based on liberal input,
I know that all white people are racist
And I’ve developed the ultimate strategy
For cutting my hair on that basis:
It’s illegal to bias one’s choices
For traditional hairstyles of race
Like cornrows or dreadlocks or afros
And because this is the case
I can shave my head to spell letters,
Specifically “I disagree.”
Now watch as the left calls me Hitler
And I just say “Hee, hee, hee.”
Dedicated to Helen, My Evil Stepsister 🙂
Want to suggest a poem topic? Leave a comment or email thedailytravesty@yahoo.com
Filed under Poems
Pilots vs. Hairdressers
Air show! Air show!
Lots of planes,
Tons of balls,
Questionable brains.
Hair show! Hair show!
Fewer planes,
Fewer balls,
The brain thing’s the same.
Filed under Poems
All Mips Are Mops, and Some Moos are Maps…
The squeaky wheel gets the grease:
If we know this is real
Then I can logically conclude
My hair is a squeaky wheel.
Filed under Poems
Inside The Box
Trent had spiky auburn hair
Which was never out of place.
Wendell’s hair was a dangly mess
That covered up his face.
Both applied at Microsoft,
But neither got the job.
They lost it to a hairless guy
Whose name, they thought, was Bob.
So both the men, despairing,
Did shave their separate locks,
For to get employment
They needed to think inside the box.
Trent and Wendell reapplied
And once again they were denied,
For most folks care what’s in your head,
Not on it. Or so to believe I’m led.
Filed under Poems
A Bald-Faced Truth
I needed a haircut and a shave
But was cash supply was small.
I thought I had a solution
When I visited the mall.
Eleven dollars later
I found proof that I was wrong
Because, while most of my hair was no longer there,
What was left was way too long.
And so I swore off barbers,
And I bought a bottle of Nair.
I’d save time and dignity
If I needn’t concern myself with hair.
That is how I got this dome
Where no hair can call a home.
Filed under Poems
Two Hairy Poems
I can curl your locks,
Give you mohawks,
A buzz cut, bowl, or mullet.
But when I see your hair
What I really care
To do is grab and pull it.
Though long and lustrous
Is your hair
I have no envy.
I just don’t care.
I am not jealous
Of your locks,
But I dearly wish
I had your buttocks.
Filed under Poems
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