Tag Archives: Grammar

Do It Already!

Close my eyes and listen

To the gently falling rain,

Wishing all the while

That you, dear reader, will refrain

From noticing the fact

That I made a mistake,

For this poem is a command.

What a difference “I” can make…

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Aye Aye, I! I Eye i^i Eyes, I Eye i^i “Aye Ayes,” and I Eye I’s i^i Eyes Eyeing i^i i^is With I’s i^i “Aye Aye” Eyes, Aye. I?

English is funny; Take the word “ship”

Which can mean a variety of things…

It can mean a big boat

That can carry other boats

Or other miscellaneous bling.

Therefore a ship who ships cargo

(Oh yeah, ship is also a verb)

Can ship ships as its cargo

(Or so is said as a ship-shipping blurb).

“Ship” can also be used

To describe imaginary romance

Where two hypothetical characters

Want to get in one-another’s pants.

In this sense, the word shipping

Is creating the romantic “ship,”

But could also mean that you think

The prospect of shipping is hip.

So if you like to like the idea

Of a romantic relationship between

A cargo delivery vehicle who delivers ships

Falling in love with a similar machine

You ship shipping ship-shipping ships shipping ship-shipping ships,

And that is grammatically correct.

Yes indeed, English is funny

But deserves at least grudging respect.

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Why Not .03 Per Cent? FALSE ADVERTISING!!!

Today I saw one per cent milk

And so I gave my mom a holler.

Turns it it’s just crappy milk,

Not 100 milks for a dollar.

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The College Athlete

As I jogged through the locker room door

Coach was shouting “This is what we play for!”

I said “What coach means to say

“Is ‘this is that for which we play.'”

I guess that questioning coach’s decision

To end a cheer with a preposition

Resulted in, so it would seem,

My no longer being on the team.

While you might expect, after my blunder,

That I hope, in my absence, the team goes under

I don’t seek vengeance for my woes…

And it’s “In my absence I hope under is where my team goes.”

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After Monkeys Throw Down

Monkey see monkey doo.

Monkey cleans up monkey poo.

Monkey reminds, for everyone’s sake

That difference a comma and an “o” can make.

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Or You Mite Be Letting Siri Type Four Ewe

If you prey at a alter

And like you’re time their,

You watch the news and think

That how the world works isnt fare,

Youve misplaced yor resume

But will happily give you the jist

Than you might bee looking four jobs

Via a web sight like Craigslist.

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Honestly, Get your Suffixes Straight!

If feminism means “go women”

And humanism means “people are good”

Then racism means “yay fast people,”

Or at least it should.

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Not For You And Me

Grew up in a place

Wouldn’t know

Where pronouns have no place

Or so said so.

Before call something

Might regret later

Know that shouldn’t

Be a hater.

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Why Grammar Matters

A world without adjectives

Would suck

But it wouldn’t be bad

Would blow

But it wouldn’t be sad

Would eat your soul

But not in a negative way.

A world without adverbs

Things happen,

People run

Other people run

Some are faster

But we’ll never know which.

A world without verbs

Blue, stagnant, 

Highly descriptive,

Shorter than previous stanzas.

A world without nouns

Write this if you dare.

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A Big Discovery

Big picture,

Big cheese,

Big idea,

Big sneeze…

When on the word “big”

You get reflective

It seems to go in front of everything

As if it were an adjective.

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