Tag Archives: Grammar

I Just Wanted To Rhyme Things… Don’t Overthink It

If I had a baby shark

I’d never need an exclamation mark.

If I had a baby llama

I’d never use another comma.

If I had pets that numbered myriads

I would be all done with periods.

Alas, my only pet’s a cat

So there! I’m done, and that was that.

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By The Way, Why Did Didn’t

Today I wrote

“Why did the chicken cross the road”

And someone petty replied

“You forgot the question mark…

“You meant ‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’”

So I went out and bought a chicken

And named it Why Did

And I commanded it:

“Why Did the chicken, cross the road!”

That’s what random internet people get

For being grammar nazis.

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If “Breaking Bad” Starred An English Teacher

I was feeling very upset

Because I was a spammer

And all my emails were ignored

Because my targets had bad grammar.

My mother tried to comfort me…

She sat me in a chair

And patted my back and told me

“Itll bee all right. Their they’re.”

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I Get It, I Am It, But It Is Done Unto Me

This morning as I wandered

Through the hallways of my mind

With hopes that I would stumble on

Something of an inspiring kind

I realized quite suddenly

That I had been so dense

As to never realize “Naked”

Was a verb in the past-tense.

I realize all this time

That I don’t ever nake,

But allow it to be done to me

When I go in a lake

Or when ai take a shower…

Yes, I always get naked

But never do I nake myself

Before I go to bed.

I’ve never dreamed of naking,

But I’ve dreamed of naking others.

A child can undress itself

But isn’t naked by mothers.

In fact it seems the only one

Who nakes remains unseen,

And I wonder if the Naker

Is new, or has always been…

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On English Slang and Figures of Speech

If you’re opposed to kinky sex

Then you are very rude

Because you want everybody else

To get regularly screwed.

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Quotidian Composition Vitiates…

People say that grammar

Doesn’t matter any more,

That vocabulary’s useless

And english is a bore.

What they do not realize

Is that the word you tried

Might turn a social program

Into massive genocide.

Take this proposition:

“Our mayor, Jim Metcalf

“Will, by 2025

“Cut homelessness in half.”

What a lovely world we’d have

And what a peaceful street

If Mayor Metcalf’s plan above

Was ever made complete!

Alas, the words they wrote instead

Were, “Mayor Jim Metcalf

“Will, within the next five years,

“Cut homeless people in half.”

To some, there’s nothing different.

To some, this sounds just fine

Until you realize just how

The Mayor crossed a line

Because the homeless person

Who was once in Bradley Square

Now has his legs on Main Street

But his torso’s over there!

Stop the death and carnage

And salute the grammar nerds,

For only you can save a life

By choosing proper words.

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Wear Love Blossoms?

Yew are the tree that sustains me.

U turn the sick to the well.

Ewe are so warm and so fluffy.

I love you although I can’t spell.

You’re poem touched me this evening.

Your the only one I think of now.

Their’s somewhere I know and soon they’re we’ll go

But let’s stick to spoken poems for know.

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Do It Already!

Close my eyes and listen

To the gently falling rain,

Wishing all the while

That you, dear reader, will refrain

From noticing the fact

That I made a mistake,

For this poem is a command.

What a difference “I” can make…

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Aye Aye, I! I Eye i^i Eyes, I Eye i^i “Aye Ayes,” and I Eye I’s i^i Eyes Eyeing i^i i^is With I’s i^i “Aye Aye” Eyes, Aye. I?

English is funny; Take the word “ship”

Which can mean a variety of things…

It can mean a big boat

That can carry other boats

Or other miscellaneous bling.

Therefore a ship who ships cargo

(Oh yeah, ship is also a verb)

Can ship ships as its cargo

(Or so is said as a ship-shipping blurb).

“Ship” can also be used

To describe imaginary romance

Where two hypothetical characters

Want to get in one-another’s pants.

In this sense, the word shipping

Is creating the romantic “ship,”

But could also mean that you think

The prospect of shipping is hip.

So if you like to like the idea

Of a romantic relationship between

A cargo delivery vehicle who delivers ships

Falling in love with a similar machine

You ship shipping ship-shipping ships shipping ship-shipping ships,

And that is grammatically correct.

Yes indeed, English is funny

But deserves at least grudging respect.

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Why Not .03 Per Cent? FALSE ADVERTISING!!!

Today I saw one per cent milk

And so I gave my mom a holler.

Turns it it’s just crappy milk,

Not 100 milks for a dollar.

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