Good morning Meesis
And good morning Meester,
And good morning meez for the feminists,
And Happy Easter!
It’s a day we celebrate
Jesus’s resurrection
With oviparous rabbits
And a sugar injection.
So hunt for those eggs
And hunt for that profit
And remember the Lord,
Our savior and prophet
And offer a prayer
For that great plastic hen
Who’s had her eggs stolen
Over and over again.
Filed under Poems
Earth has too many humans,
And jupiter has too much gas.
Mercury and venus
Are much too hot to pass.
Mars just might have martians ,
And Saturn has too many rings,
And I don’t like the awful puns
Uranus always brings.
Pluto is a lovely place,
But it’s just a planetoid,
And Neptune is a neighborhood
The prudent should avoid.
I’ve flown around for years now,
But I’ve never found a place
And cool and dark and cozy
As life in outer space.
Filed under Poems
I was a thief
In ancient times
When the punishments
Fit the crimes.
I finally was caught
Making ransom demands
And a guy with an ax
Chopped off my hands.
It hurt in the moment,
And my stumps were quite sore,
But I don’t have to worry
About caught red-handed anymore.
Even better than that
Was going to my patents’s place
And saying “look ma, no hands!”
Ah, the look on her face.
Filed under Poems
Treatises, essays,
And the plural of syllabus.
These are things
I am not gonna miss,
But to be totally honest
I’ll miss walking to classes
Behind those yoga pants girls
With their beautiful… chassis.
Filed under Poems
I’m not just a logger;
I’m a matchmaker for trees.
See, how life goes for them
Is one arbor sees
The love of their life
Just a few feet away,
And they spend their time loving
Each other all day.
After a while
What these trees want so much
Is to lean over a little
And let their bodies touch,
So I whop out my chainsaw
And bring that love to fruition.
It makes me feel good
And it pays her tuition.
Filed under Poems
Oft was Bob deemed
A fellow quite proper
‘Til the day he was stopped
By a motorcycle copper
Who issued of a ticket
Worth two hundred and four
For speeding. Now Bob
Is deemed proper no more.
Filed under Poems
It’s good to be a kid
Like all of us once did,
And I think we really ought to do it more,
‘Cause maturity’s alright,
And the world may be a fright,
But without some fun it’s nothing but a bore.
So kick and throw a ball or dirt
And play until your muscles hurt
And smile and laugh until your face quits its obedience.
You’ve got all the time you need,
To work and sleep and breed,
So try to play today, with great expedience.
I’d only just been conceived
When, as an adult, I found
I was in a prison, filled with rats
So deep and underground.
I was modestly unclothed,
Armed with club and knife,
And destined by narrative necessity
To live an extraordinary life.
The rats were slain,
I leveled up,
Taking my first sip
Of combat’s cup,
And the rest, they say
Is history.
So it is in every
RPG.
Filed under Poems
So a guy tries to deliver
A bomb via a drone,
But is unable to do the deed.
What if he’d followed through
And the the plan was completed?
There’s only one conclusion. We need:
Anti-drone drones!
An unmanned defense
Against those unmanned bombers who fly.
All that’s required
Is a trillion or so
And the want for a drone-colored sky.
Overreacting? Maybe a bit,
But I wouldn’t be surprised by it.
Filed under Poems
