“You shouldn’t use your phone at night”
Is what, to me, they tell.
But this evening I must say
It turned out pretty well.
Tag Archives: Postaday
The Second Time You Hear A Joke
He said “Knock Knock.”
I said “Who’s there.”
He said “you.”
It was true,
But I still didn’t care.
Filed under Poems
Facebook Updates
I sat six hours in a car
To go and visit somewhere far.
It didn’t rain. It didn’t snow.
I just thought you ought to know.
(Not actually my dinner).
Filed under Poems
How To Jump A Car
This poem is a preview from my upcoming book of 99 “How-To” Poems. Enjoy!
Your car won’t start?
Well, lucky you!
I envy what
You’ll get to do.
You’ll need another car
And a valiant heart.
Got both? Good!
It’s time to start.
First, get in the car
With the working battery.
Turn it on (You do that
By inserting and turning the key).
Have a friend prepare two ramps,
One on either side
Of your old dead-battery car.
Make sure they’re nice and wide.
Then drive full speed onto the ramp
And let that new car fly!
Look down, if you want, onto your old car
And pray that you don’t die.
And when you land successfully
On the other ramp, well look:
You’ve just learned to jump a car.
Aren’t you glad you bought this book?
Filed under Poems
Mirror Burns
I created a monster this weekend.
I call it “Ms. Evil Head.”
It’s like a mirror, but I gaze in it
And see your face instead.
Maybe I Should Toast It?
I was mad at my TV,
So I shot it.
My toaster was asking for it,
So it got it.
I got a not-so-smoothie,
So my blender went kablemma!
Now my gun is malfunctioning,
And I face a dilemma.
Filed under Poems
It Works For Both Parties
A hangdog and a long-faced horse
Walked into a bar.
A few hours later they both walked home
‘Cause they didn’t own a car.
They didn’t much enjoy themselves
Nor change their sorry fate.
But it was fun compared to
Watching the GOP debate.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 