Tag Archives: Postaday

August 4, 2015 · 2:01 pm

And The Award For Best Pet Goes To…

I’ve had a lot of pets.

Okay, not really… but a few

And I tell you with conviction

That the best of them is you.

When I read my poems to goldfish,

Guppies, betas, or trout

They get neither the humor

Nor what the poem’s about.

When I read my rhymes to kitties

They bite me on the thumb.

When I read my verse to doggies…

Well, alas, they’re cute but dumb.

When I read poems to my girlfriends,

Oh sure, they laugh and smile

And beg me to be their only love,

But that’s just not my style.

But you stay with me, readers.

You are my best friend and my steed.

I’m a lucky guy to have you,

And you don’t cost much to feed.

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August 3, 2015 · 3:09 pm

I can’t hear you… Just some sexy music

They say iPhones have bad signal strength.

I think that’s a misconception,

Because I use a saxaphone.

Now that has bad reception!

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August 2, 2015 · 12:49 pm

What Is A Sunday?

if Monday was productive

It would be Tuesday instead.

If Tuesday were called “Hump day”

Maybe we’d want to get out of bed.
If the end was in sight on Wednesday

We would enjoy it more.

If after Thursday was a weekend

It would not be such a snore.
Saturday’s a Friday

During which we needn’t work,

But Sunday is what Saturday

Would be if it were a jerk.
On Sunday we do nothing

Just like on Saturday,

Except our nothing is interrupted

By our freedom sneaking away.
We’re filled to our proverbial brim

With end-of-weekend anxiety.

That is what a Sunday is,

Or maybe that’s just me.

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August 1, 2015 · 12:01 pm

But It’s Organic!

It had an extra leg, I think,

And several extra eyes.

I don’t know how it got into my drink.

Oh look at that… it flies!

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July 31, 2015 · 1:41 pm

I’m Not Even Going To Apologize

Sometimes dogs are happy.

Sometimes dogs are sad.

You wanted a clever poem?

Well today, that’s just too bad.

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July 29, 2015 · 1:56 pm

Self-Inflicted Problems

Coffee and tea

With my good friend Cindy.

Coffee and cake

With my other friend Jake.

Coffee and porn

With my buddy Bjorn.

Coffee and grub

At the insomniac’s club.

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July 28, 2015 · 4:33 pm

They Have Strong Legs in Mexico

I sang “dropkick me Jesus

“Through the goal posts of life.”

My Mexican gardener is very literal.

It’s caused us some strife.

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July 27, 2015 · 12:53 pm

D-I-Why

For fourteen dollars and fifteen hours

I can buy some wood and plastic towers

And with the help of a hammer, saw,

Electric drill, and my guitaw

I can make a TV stand

That I created by my own hand.
For fifteen dollars and sixteen minutes

I can buy a stand already finished.

I’ll assemble it with an alan wrench,

Then maybe also build a bench.

But the pride of doing is better than haste.

Besides, can’t let those towers go to waste!

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July 26, 2015 · 12:26 pm

In Defense of Rhyme

There are those who tell me

That a poem that rhymes

Is unnescessary.

There are those who say

A poem that rhymes

Is of the devil

Or the patriarchy

Or “kind of stringent, don’t you think?”

Their tellings and sayings

Spool around the cellar

Of an ivory tower

Whose black horses

And cakes which are a lie

No longer echo

In the halls of our great uncles.

Confusion is their currency.

Paragraphs

Are

Their

Playthings.

I do not understand this poem.

Neither do you.

I just wrote it to show ’em,

Figuratively, who’s who.

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July 25, 2015 · 12:45 pm

World War Three

If we go to war with Russia,

Whether Putin’s fault or ours

It will be a lengthy battle

Between some major world powers.

But if we go to war with China,

Then China would be mad

Cause we’d send a bull to all their shops

And wreck ’em pretty bad.

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