There are very few problems
That cannot be solved
By a handful of raisins
And a baseball bat.
How do those fix it?
Is that what you said?
I was hoping you wouldn’t
Ask me that…
Tag Archives: Postaday
Elegy for an Innova Blizzard Boss Champion Disc
What comes up comes down.
If that’s true, then why won’t my
Frisbee leave the roof?
Filed under Poems
The Ballad of Meriwether
I don’t think Lewis and Clark
Were friends, like historians claim.
I think Clark forced Lewis to come
By threatening to reveal his first name.
Filed under Poems
I Did Too
There was a teenager from Kiev
That people oft told how to liev.
He painted a plate
As blank as a slate
With all the shits he didn’t giev.
Filed under Poems
Naked Prom
Gyration of the eyes and hips,
The longing of a thousand lips,
A table full of pop and chips,
And me there in the corner.
Five-hundred pairs of dancing shoes,
A playlist full of swing and blues,
And I’m in naught but tennis shoes
For lack of an adorner.
A dozen spinning disco lights,
Glow rods in their flinging flights,
Cast shadows o’er my lack of tights.
I pray I’m not discovered.
A shrieking piercing through my head!
I feel like I’m made of lead,
As I awaken in my bed
Where, yes, I am uncovered.
Filed under Poems
May 25th
Sixty-one candles,
Two and a half beards
Celebrating your many,
Many, many, many years.
I wrote these stanzas
To know that you smiled.
Happy Birthday Mom
From your second-best child.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Game of War?
I’ll pay ten dollars
For a movie ticket,
Five bucks to see
A game of cricket,
A hundred to Scuba
And get the bends.
Why won’t I pay three
To have no ads on Words with Friends?
Father of the Bride
Fluff and foof,
Foam and poof.
Through the roof:
Shopping.
White or gray?
Peach or Monet?
Pay and pay:
Shopping.
We’ve got a year
To pick the dress
We’ve seen the glory
And the mess.
Dad’s in the car
Waiting for the yes
That brings the end
Of shopping.
Filed under Poems
Identity Crisis
I woke up at 5:00.
Went for a two mile run.
What is wrong with me?
Filed under Poems
The Guy in 23E
I couldn’t decide
On which cologne
I should wear on the plane.
I tried the first,
And then the next,
And then the first again.
I spritzed and whiffed
But never found
A scent that suited me,
So I tried them all.
Which one works best?
We’ll have to wait and see.
Filed under Poems
