Tag Archives: Words

See Also: Guillotine, Quinoa, Otorhinolaryngologist

Worcestershire and Draught

Were about to get married,

In love for the rest of their life

But the priest looked upset,

And said “I am sorry

“But I can’t pronounce you, husband and wife.”

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Funnier If You Read It Wrong (Is That “Read” Like Read or “Read” Like Read Though?)

There once was a bass who played bass

Who wondered “Is it pronounced vase or vase?”

His leader then lead

Him to read what he read

But he wound up wounding his face.

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The Good Girl And The Criminal, Abridged

My girlfriend likes to relax in the evening

But I like to step up a notch.

She said “Let’s watch Steel Magnolias.”

I said “Let’s steal Magnolia’s watch.”

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Be Careful Where You Wish For

I wished upon a star

That I was back on Earth.

Then I was incinerated by the immense heat of the cosmic ball of burning gas

And now wait for rebirth.

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H*ck Yeah!

If you’re afraid someone might think

That you’re sort of a d*ck

Then emulate the mainstream news

And use this little tr*ck

Wherein you take a common word

Like ch*cken, sn*ke, or d*sc

And replace one relevant l*tter

With a h*ndy asterisk!

N*body can blame you

Or say you’re being r*de

‘Cause words like f*ck and bullsh*t

Are not, in themselves cr*de.

Don’t w*rry about the fact

That you can read all this just f*ne:

What m*tters is that readers

Know you h*ven’t got a sp*ne.

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On English Slang and Figures of Speech

If you’re opposed to kinky sex

Then you are very rude

Because you want everybody else

To get regularly screwed.

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Aye Aye, I! I Eye i^i Eyes, I Eye i^i “Aye Ayes,” and I Eye I’s i^i Eyes Eyeing i^i i^is With I’s i^i “Aye Aye” Eyes, Aye. I?

English is funny; Take the word “ship”

Which can mean a variety of things…

It can mean a big boat

That can carry other boats

Or other miscellaneous bling.

Therefore a ship who ships cargo

(Oh yeah, ship is also a verb)

Can ship ships as its cargo

(Or so is said as a ship-shipping blurb).

“Ship” can also be used

To describe imaginary romance

Where two hypothetical characters

Want to get in one-another’s pants.

In this sense, the word shipping

Is creating the romantic “ship,”

But could also mean that you think

The prospect of shipping is hip.

So if you like to like the idea

Of a romantic relationship between

A cargo delivery vehicle who delivers ships

Falling in love with a similar machine

You ship shipping ship-shipping ships shipping ship-shipping ships,

And that is grammatically correct.

Yes indeed, English is funny

But deserves at least grudging respect.

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When Friends Need To Vent

If you feel empty inside

Just take away the “E”

And you can feel mpty instead.

Or, alternatively

Take away the “Y”

And feel emp-t (and misled).

If you take away

The “E,” “P,” and “Y”

You feel mt, and that’s fine.

But if you say nothing

Your words won’t be empty

And we won’t have to hear you whine.

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Ish Matters

Calling someone squeamish

Is more complex than it may seem.

After all, when was the last time

You called someone a squeam?

If someone is Spanish,

Sorta shy-ish, or whatnot

You know exactly what they are

But what’s a squeam?

That’s what I thought!

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How My Mind Works 27 Minutes Before A Deadline…

Certain things sound like

Exactly what they mean

Like soy latte, pumpernickel,

Kitty, spoof, and spleen.

Other words were chosen

Without their meaning in mind

Like crepe, seizure, pumpernickel,

And the “pay me” version of “fine.”

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