Every problem in the world
Can be solved with one of these:
WD-40, a well-timed bullet,
Or a bag of frozen peas.
Tag Archives: Short
What Ever Happened To Manners?
Sometimes I ask myself
“Is talking to myself weird?”
Then some guy next to me says
“Yes”
And my internal monologue and I
Make knowing eye contact
And just walk away from Mr-All-About-Me.
Filed under Poems
I Present: The “Dumb Scientist” Paradox
I am very dense.
If I were an element
I’d be Osmium.
Filed under Poems
Country Music
I like guns and I like trucks
And I like hunting ten-point bucks
But I don’t like moonshine or beer
So I’ll stop your banjo solo here.
Filed under Poems
Down With That?
Sexy pillow fights
Probably aren’t as fun to watch
If you are a goose.
Filed under Poems
The Best Medicine
Moreso than drugs or heart disease,
Moreso than any tumor,
Most tragedies in life are caused
By lacking a sense of humor.
Filed under Poems
Viagra For Dummies
If you don’t read these directions
Enjoy your twelve hour erections.
Filed under Poems
Eye See What You Did There
If you really squint
You’ll get much better at math.
Sincerely, China.
Filed under Poems
Romantic Evenings, Senior Edition
Starry Summer night
My love in my arms, but then
My bladder says “Boo”
Filed under Poems
When You Want To Be Sensitive But Can’t Rhyme And Only Have One Minute To Write
The first haiku was
TikTok for ancient Japan.
Ninjas loved that junk.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 