Tag Archives: Short

My Fiancee Made Me Watch A Barbie Movie

There once was a prince named Stefon

Who met a fantabulous blon

De girl with long hair

And there was love everywhere

And oh god, please rescue me! I’ve made a terrible mistake! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

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Phoning This One In…

There once was a phone with low battery

That I tried to charge with some flattery.

I said, “Hey there Samsung.

“You look very well hung.”

But it died and now I can’t be chattery.

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Some Day My Wife Will Hear Me Singing This And She’ll Slip Quietly Out The Back And Never Be Seen Again

Hush little baby! Don’t you cry

Or I’ll play you an elephant lullaby

And all that trumpeting hurts your ears

And sure, maybe daddy’s had one too many beers…

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Seriously, His Timing Was Impeccable

There once was a beloved cat

Who thought it appropriate that

In a moment of passion

It would be in fashion

To smother my face with its fat.

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Sincerely, Asian Parents

If at first you don’t succeed

Find a doctor or lawyer with which to breed

Then every day remind your kid

They need to succeed at what you never did.

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Psychiatrists Might Call This “A Cry For Help”

There once was a homicidal maniac

Who like to hold poets hostage.

He may not understand rhyming

But as long as I keep writing

He won’t turn me into bolognese sauce…

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Plus Now The Taxidermist Has An Amazing Story!

Jen lost ten pounds through exercise.

Steve lost twenty by changing his diet.

I lost sixty pounds when my tapeworm came out

But Jen and Steve are too chicken to try it.

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Back To Normal

I went on a trip for 5 days

And I’m grateful in so many ways

To be home once again

Where in peace I can pen

Five-line poems that fail to amaze

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Talk About Stuck In A Lousy Job!

You think because you aren’t paid well

And work a lot of hours

Doing work you don’t enjoy

And your outlook on life sours

That means you have a lousy job?

Your misery sorely pales

To the job of being the fish they feed

To the SeaWorld killer whales.

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If I Can’t Sleep Until I Write A Poem, I Can’t Sleep Until You Read It! (Oh Wait…)

Tonight I stayed up past my bedtime.

In fact, I am still awake as you read.

I’m yawning like crazy and wanting to sleep

So could you please up your processing speed?

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