I like me some ice cream and beer
And sometimes go hunting for deer.
I don’t eat no plants though
Which means that my pants know
The pure incarnation of fear.
Tag Archives: Short
Morbid Subtext in Children’s Music
All is well while you’re singing
Until your realize
Mary will eventually have a big sheep
Unless one of them dies…
And yet we have been singing this
Since time itself was made.
Do the Mary’s keep swapping
Or was a sweater made?
Filed under Poems
Who Else Watched The Debate?
“Roses are red!”
“No! Violets are blue!”
“That’s a lie!”
“Shut up!” “F*** you!”
Filed under Poems
Xfinitely Bad
If I lived under a rock,
Knew no news and bought no stock,
I’d find a slug to be my pet
And have much better internet.
Filed under Poems
Nothing Like A Token Effort To Bring People Together!
I’m sitting at home on a Monday
Drinking water straight from the tap
While I stare at some novels by time’s greatest minds
And then sit and write out this crap.
Then I picture you, my dear reader
With more money and power than me
Reading this crap on the internet
And I know, in a way, you’re like me.
Filed under Poems
What Did The Pot Call The Kettle Again?
Nothing like the NFL
To use their helmets to tell
That the one-percent lacks
Empathy for the blacks
And are violent towards them as well.
Filed under Poems
So… Status Quo Then?
Tomorrow it shall be
My sincerest endeavor
To compose some light verse
That’s both awesome and clever.
Tonight my endeavor’s
To not lose my clout
While I promise you good stuff
That’s yet to come out.
Filed under Poems
This Poem Reflects Their Work Ethic
If you want the very best
Be a fan of the New York Jets.
That rhyme didn’t work quite right
And neither do they.
Filed under Poems
This Is What Happens When You Don’t Click “Like”
I’ve worked hard the past few days
But this is not my work that pays
And thus I write one stanza here.
Go read the stuff I wrote last year.
Filed under Poems
A Poem for Folks Who Specify Their Pronouns
Roses are violet
And violets are rose.
That’s what they said,
So I guess that’s what goes?
Filed under Poems
