If I had a pickle
For every time you smile
I’d be decorating sandwiches
For a sufficient while.
As the birds sing in the morning
And the bugs crawl in the night
So too doth my heart yearneth
When you say “Meh, you’re alright…”
I picked the petals from the flower:
“She loves me, she loves me not…”
But I misread the directions
Turns out it was flour I bought.
As I sift through every grain
I frown and then I smile.
I’m getting a great workout
But the results will take a while.
It’s Christmas day!
It’s Christmas! Yay!
There are better things to do today
Than read this blog, so go away!
‘Twas the night before the night before Christmas
And all through the all through the house
Everyone was everyone was wondering
“Why the **** is everything echoey?”
One day at breakfast I asked my niece
“What if a bowl of cereal were all just one piece?”
My niece said, “I don’t mean to boast
“But I invented that cereal. I call it ‘Toast.’”
Somewhere in Australia
A koala has a baby,
And when that baby takes a poo
In public, then just maybe
Koala mommy and her cub
In a public restroom hide
And clean up on a table
With a human on the side…
“You’re a good boy! Yes you are!”
They said and pulled me to the car.
But they didn’t use a cutesy voice
So I killed them (I had no choice).
A duck walked up to a lemonade stand
And asked “Do you have any grapes?”
The lemonade seller shot dead the duck feller
Which proves not all heroes wear capes.
See you later alligator.
In a while crocodile.
Time to vamoose you silly goose.
All these partings for a beast
Didn’t matter in the least
To the all-knowing, ever-present
“Never gonna give you up” pheasant.
If, instead of cubicles,
We gave all employees
Their own private bathroom
And a set of private keys
So they could sit on porc’lain throne
And work at the same time
Productivity would go up
By a factor of eight or nine.
There once was a bat from Wuhan
Who bad people did some work on.
It got fed up one day
And just flew away
And just like that two years are gone!