Tag Archives: Short

Everything’s Bigger In Texas

I like me some ice cream and beer

And sometimes go hunting for deer.

I don’t eat no plants though

Which means that my pants know

The pure incarnation of fear.

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Morbid Subtext in Children’s Music

All is well while you’re singing

Until your realize

Mary will eventually have a big sheep

Unless one of them dies…

And yet we have been singing this

Since time itself was made.

Do the Mary’s keep swapping

Or was a sweater made?

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Who Else Watched The Debate?

“Roses are red!”

“No! Violets are blue!”

“That’s a lie!”

“Shut up!” “F*** you!”

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Xfinitely Bad

If I lived under a rock,

Knew no news and bought no stock,

I’d find a slug to be my pet

And have much better internet.

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Nothing Like A Token Effort To Bring People Together!

I’m sitting at home on a Monday

Drinking water straight from the tap

While I stare at some novels by time’s greatest minds

And then sit and write out this crap.

Then I picture you, my dear reader

With more money and power than me

Reading this crap on the internet

And I know, in a way, you’re like me.

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What Did The Pot Call The Kettle Again?

Nothing like the NFL

To use their helmets to tell

That the one-percent lacks

Empathy for the blacks

And are violent towards them as well.

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So… Status Quo Then?

Tomorrow it shall be

My sincerest endeavor

To compose some light verse

That’s both awesome and clever.

Tonight my endeavor’s

To not lose my clout

While I promise you good stuff

That’s yet to come out.

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This Poem Reflects Their Work Ethic

If you want the very best

Be a fan of the New York Jets.

That rhyme didn’t work quite right

And neither do they.

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This Is What Happens When You Don’t Click “Like”

I’ve worked hard the past few days

But this is not my work that pays

And thus I write one stanza here.

Go read the stuff I wrote last year.

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A Poem for Folks Who Specify Their Pronouns

Roses are violet

And violets are rose.

That’s what they said,

So I guess that’s what goes?

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