Tag Archives: Short

Fair Retails Before Bed

Once there was a tired gent.

To bed went he; To sleep he went.

The other folks said “Mama Mia!”

For the bed he went was in Ikea.

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This Is Why We Have Pets…

If I had a chicken sandwich

For every time I ever farted

My death by starvation would be queuing.

If I had a chicken sandwich

For every time I lied

You’d never hear my farts above the chewing.

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Guess What I’m Doing After Writing This?

When someone says “When was your last shower”

And you honestly can’t remember

That’s what most folks call “disgusting.”

I call it “September”.

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Family Reunion In Alaska

At my parents’ house

Played board games and shot a bear

Like a kid again

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Another Cow Poem

Jared was still very small

When he saw cattle fall

Into a slumber, fast and deep.

With no reason or rhyme

Someone said “It’s pasture bedtime”

And so Jared went home and fell asleep.

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She’s Cute Though…

My girl was trying to write

A poem for me tonight

She tried rhyming “dominion”

With “In my girls arms”

And that’s when we started the fight.

She requested I write her original poem

So here it is, verbatim:

“The Happiest Place On Earth”

Some may call it Disneyland

But we did not meet a bug.

Others call it Ikea,

Though we came home with a rug.

In my own opinion

The happiest dominion

Is that the happiest place on earth

Is in my girl’s arms.

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Why Some Plants Go Extinct

“Anybody want some peas?”

Everyone said yes.

“Anyone want pewps?”

Perhaps next year, I guess…

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Haiku for Hope

Broken pottery

By the lawn I haven’t mown

And my old blue truck;

Living comfortably

And all that I sacrificed

Was my lofty goals.

Then a cool pillow

When I wake and feel refreshed

Like when I was young;

That ginger sunrise

Isn’t unattainable

If I love enough.

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And Potlucks Were Never The Same Again

Once upon a time

In a land of myth and ballad

Someone mixed a lot of plants

And called the result a salad.

Later, in Minnesota

Someone mixed mayonnaise

With literally anything at all

And said “Salad happens in many ways.”

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Seriously… It’s On I-5 Exit 135. Now THAT Is Optimism

No matter how bad a day you had

You’re not as bad off as the guy

Who made an SOS out of rocks beneath the overpass

In case a savior might fly by.

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