Mercury is number one,
Venus is where women are from,
Mars is a song with lots of snare drum,
Jupiter is the color of plum,
Saturn has a bunch of rings,
Uranus is full of gas and things,
Neptune’s famed for icy springs,
And Pluto’s demotion to this day stings.
But you probably noticed the dearth
Of a line about the Earth
Because it is devoid of mirth
And is the only planet with Colin Firth.
Filed under Poems
There once was a guy from Poempeii
Who awoke on a cold, rainy day.
He said “Gods, I hate rain!
“Could you please stop this pain?”
How the Gods answered blew him away.
Filed under Poems
Every night I go to sleep
After a simple prayer
When I recall the Star Wars sequels
And wish they weren’t there.
Every day when I awake
My wish was not obeyed,
But someday soon we’ll see a world
In which only six were made…
Filed under Poems
There once was a belly-up cat
Whose entire body was made of fat.
He lay on his back,
Then with claws did attack
And then fell asleep just like that!
Filed under Poems
First there was Vietnam
Then the second gulf war…
Now I’m curious how many years
The Amber Heard trial goes for.
Filed under Poems
Sometimes you drive
To somewhere about
The middle of nowhere
And you go without
Cellular service
Or the internet.
I’m on my way there
So this poem’s all you get.
Filed under Poems
If I had a pet stegosaurus
I think I would name it Boris
And until someone finked
That he was extinct
My family would really adore us.
There once was a five-year-old child
Who was happy, and ran somewhat wild.
This continued unabated
Because the child wasn’t medicated
And thus several lawsuits were filed.
Filed under Poems
Tonight events happened that occupied time
And now I must sleep and dream of a mime.
I probably won’t, but it goes to show
I don’t always rhyme “time” with “rhyme”, my bro.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 