Tag Archives: Short

Priorities

I don’t see why we’re worrying

About regulating guns

When supermarkets sell packages

Of eight hot dogs and ten buns.

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About Your Pet Spider…

If you tell me to take care of

A monster with eight eyes

I hope you won’t be unhappy

When it inevitably dies.

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This Poem Was Originally Going To Be Longer, But It’s Sponsored By Apple’s Battery Supplier

I asked how she was feeling

And she said “Around 90%.”

That’s when I said

“If you were an iPhone you’d be dead,”

And that’s how my Wednesday went.

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The Nose Ring Origin Story?

I wonder who first got the notion

That to enhance one’s beauty and grace

And inspire mens’ loving devotion

They should stick some hardware in their face.

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Nautical Issues

“I don’t know how to say this…”

Jason said to Captain Tull,

“But the otorhinolaryngologist

“Spilled Worcestershire sauce in the forecastle.”

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It Rhymes, So It Doesn’t Have To Be Meaningful

I saw the custard being poured…

Flowing, flowing flan.

Then the custard pourer tripped…

Going going gone.

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Three Wholesome Jokes (Almost)

He started as a humble sponge

Used to being ignored.

Then he got famous, his ego grew,

And he became self-absorbed.

——————————————————–

I picked up a hitchhiking balloon

Who was waiting at a bus stop.

I asked what sort of music he liked;

He said “Anything but pop.”

——————————————————–

My relationship: I wanted to end it.

I told my girl “I want to be independent.”

In her right jacket-pocket

She had my photo in a locket

And said “You are… in de pendant!”

…So I killed her.

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