Tag Archives: Short

Middle School Science Be Like… (Also, I Have No Idea What Color Jupiter Is, But Neither Do You, So Ha!)

Mercury is number one,

Venus is where women are from,

Mars is a song with lots of snare drum,

Jupiter is the color of plum,

Saturn has a bunch of rings,

Uranus is full of gas and things,

Neptune’s famed for icy springs,

And Pluto’s demotion to this day stings.

But you probably noticed the dearth

Of a line about the Earth

Because it is devoid of mirth

And is the only planet with Colin Firth.

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Weather Or Not

There once was a guy from Poempeii

Who awoke on a cold, rainy day.

He said “Gods, I hate rain!

“Could you please stop this pain?”

How the Gods answered blew him away.

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Hi God… Let’s Talk Retcons For A Sec

Every night I go to sleep

After a simple prayer

When I recall the Star Wars sequels

And wish they weren’t there.

Every day when I awake

My wish was not obeyed,

But someday soon we’ll see a world

In which only six were made…

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The Ballad Of Marshmellow, Pt. 116

There once was a belly-up cat

Whose entire body was made of fat.

He lay on his back,

Then with claws did attack

And then fell asleep just like that!

Our Hero

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Things That Lasted Waaay Too Long

First there was Vietnam

Then the second gulf war…

Now I’m curious how many years

The Amber Heard trial goes for.

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Why Can’t It Actually Suck?

The world is fine, mostly alright,

With occasional bits of blight.

I’m decently fed and slept okay

And nothing much got in my way.

The weather’s cool, the sports are going,

The mountain’s tall, the river’s flowing

And I’m just here like “Okay,

“But can I please sulk anyway?”

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When You Didn’t Plan Your Day But You Still Have 2.5 Minutes To Write

Sometimes you drive

To somewhere about

The middle of nowhere

And you go without

Cellular service

Or the internet.

I’m on my way there

So this poem’s all you get.

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Happy Delusions

If I had a pet stegosaurus

I think I would name it Boris

And until someone finked

That he was extinct

My family would really adore us.

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Coming Soon To A Kindergarten Near You

There once was a five-year-old child

Who was happy, and ran somewhat wild.

This continued unabated

Because the child wasn’t medicated

And thus several lawsuits were filed.

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Subverting Expectations

Tonight events happened that occupied time

And now I must sleep and dream of a mime.

I probably won’t, but it goes to show

I don’t always rhyme “time” with “rhyme”, my bro.

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