I don’t see why we’re worrying
About regulating guns
When supermarkets sell packages
Of eight hot dogs and ten buns.
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Tag Archives: Short
About Your Pet Spider…
If you tell me to take care of
A monster with eight eyes
I hope you won’t be unhappy
When it inevitably dies.
Filed under Poems
This Poem Was Originally Going To Be Longer, But It’s Sponsored By Apple’s Battery Supplier
I asked how she was feeling
And she said “Around 90%.”
That’s when I said
“If you were an iPhone you’d be dead,”
And that’s how my Wednesday went.
Filed under Poems
The Nose Ring Origin Story?
I wonder who first got the notion
That to enhance one’s beauty and grace
And inspire mens’ loving devotion
They should stick some hardware in their face.
Filed under Poems
Nautical Issues
“I don’t know how to say this…”
Jason said to Captain Tull,
“But the otorhinolaryngologist
“Spilled Worcestershire sauce in the forecastle.”
Filed under Poems
It Rhymes, So It Doesn’t Have To Be Meaningful
I saw the custard being poured…
Flowing, flowing flan.
Then the custard pourer tripped…
Going going gone.
Filed under Poems
Three Wholesome Jokes (Almost)
He started as a humble sponge
Used to being ignored.
Then he got famous, his ego grew,
And he became self-absorbed.
——————————————————–
I picked up a hitchhiking balloon
Who was waiting at a bus stop.
I asked what sort of music he liked;
He said “Anything but pop.”
——————————————————–
My relationship: I wanted to end it.
I told my girl “I want to be independent.”
In her right jacket-pocket
She had my photo in a locket
And said “You are… in de pendant!”
…So I killed her.
Filed under Poems
